Young man leaning against a wall and smiling at his phone

Why I Am Single? 10 Well-Known Reasons Some People Are Alone

by Eharmony Editorial Team - April 1, 2021

For single people, it can sometimes feel like the world was built for two: from hotel rooms and travel arrangements to package sizes in the grocery store to well-intentioned questions from friends and family your love life is constantly being brought up. The idea of everyone having to fall in love is deeply ingrained within our society – it’s in films, books, and pop culture. In fact, it sometimes feels that there can be no other right ending but happily ever after. The constant pressure from everyone around can lead even the happiest of single people to ask: why am I single? Why can’t I find someone? Am I being too picky?

Why People Have Different Attitudes Towards Being Single

A person’s attitude towards the life alone is often a product of their history. Different life experiences mean people have different answers to the question ‘Why am I still single?’

They’ve lost a partner to death or divorce

Someone who has lost a beloved spouse is understandably going to take a long time to be ready for a relationship again, if ever. Equally, someone may shy away from dating after a divorce again and prefer to be single rather than risk their heart again.

They haven’t found someone worth dating

While Hollywood makes it seem easy, the truth is a good relationship is hard to find and even harder to maintain. Between busy schedules, the vanishingly odds of finding someone who’s single, available, and a good fit, along with the frustration of dating, whether online or off, it’s no surprise some people prefer being single.

They’re happy the way they are

It’s hard for the happy couples to believe, but some people truly are single and happy. When they ask themselves ‘Why am I single?’ the answers are an affirmation: they’re content in their lives and feel no urge to upend them just to conform to societal expectations. For people like this, the worst part of being a party of one is that other people won’t leave them alone about it.

‘Why am I single?’ Two different views

Unfortunately, single shaming is alive, well, and a favorite pastime of far too many people. But for many of those people, what they don’t quite seem to understand is that there are many reasons someone may be single. People who ask themselves ‘Why am I still single?” can be broadly classified into two types: people who are single by choice and people who not.

4 Reasons for being single by choice

Believe it or not, there people who willingly choose the single life. Here are just a few reasons some people prefer being single:

  1. They value their independence. People in relationships – good ones, anyway – take their partner into account in major decisions and often minor ones as well, and that’s something that not everyone is ready to do or frankly, wants to do. Sometimes the ability to fly to Peru on a whim trumps someone to watch Netflix with.
  2. They would rather spend their time and energy on friends and family. As a society, we have a tendency to downplay how important non-romantic relationships are, especially friendships. But for some people, they’d much rather spend their limited time with the people they love platonically.
  3. For the health benefits. According to a University of Maryland survey of over 13,000 people, singles exercised more regularly than their married counterparts. Singles were also reported to be having more sex than people with rings on, at least according to a recent NIH survey.
  4. They’re genuinely happier on their own. It may be difficult to believe, but some people genuinely do prefer their own company to a partner’s. Plus, the argument can be made that it’s better to be luckily single than coupled up and miserable, regardless of society’s opinion on the matter.

6 Reasons for being single, but not by choice

On the other hand, many people are alone not because they want to be, but its more because of certain reasons. Here are some of the reasons people may be single:

  1. They haven’t found the right person yet. Look, there are upwards of seven billion people in the world. That’s a really, really big dating pool. No matter how often they date, it’s going take some time to find your perfect match.
  2. It’s hard to let go of being single. Every time they meet a potential partner, they, often subconsciously, sabotage the relationship because they’re not willing to give up the benefits of being single, such as independence and being able to claim the last cookie.
  3. Their standards are too high. Look, we’re not saying they should head to Vegas with the next person who catches their eye. But some singles have such a long list of qualifications for their ‘perfect’ partner and therefore end up ignoring the many potential partners that could be the right fight for them.
  4. They’re too busy. The truth is that everyone has just gotten busier with time, and for some people, between work, family, and hobbies, they just don’t have time to look for someone, let alone date.
  5. They mentally move too fast. One date, and they’re already thinking about marriage. Which means that they immediately hit the brakes with anyone who doesn’t immediately seem like marriage material. As a result, they end up cutting themselves off from some potentially wonderful relationships.
  6. They aren’t persistent enough. This is the flip side of the coin, where singles dismiss someone who doesn’t hit all the points on their list right away or just gives up trying after a few bad dates. With as many singles as there are in the world, finding the one that is right for you is going to take some time and patience.

’Why am I single?’ One question, many answers

It’s obvious that the question about why someone is single has about as many answers as single people in the world. And while some people are perfectly content with their bachelor status, for those of you who would like a significant other, eharmony is a great way to meet compatible singles. So, ff you’re asking, ‘Why am I still single?’ sign up for eharmony and get started on your road to your next great relationship.

How it works

Your search for a great relationship has never been easier with groundbreaking overhaul of the eharmony you know and trust.