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Playing hard to get – Who does not love a little challenge?

by Eharmony Editorial Team - April 18, 2021

Playing hard to get is all about a bit of that extra excitement in the dating process. When you want to pursue someone, would you like a challenge? Do think chasing after someone who is sending confusing signals is fun?

There is no denying most of us love the thrill of the chase. The anticipation and the rollercoaster of emotions make the dating game fun. Ultimately, will you be able to get a man or woman interested in you by this way?

What does ‘play hard to get’ mean?

‘Play hard to get’ by definition is an art where someone who you are interested in is pretending to be inaccessible and in other cases is showing less interest or is sending you confusing signals. Their goal is to make you invest some more time and effort before getting into a relationship.

For example, a woman who is interested in you may not say yes the first time you ask her out. She will not shut you down, instead she might say she is busy. The reasons could be, one, she does not want to seem desperate. Two, she wants to ensure that she does not want to rush and get into a meaningless relationship.

The big question is how to determine if they view you as a romantic prospect or not? How to get them fall in love with you?

Playing Hard to get – Is it worth the risk?

There is no evidence that playing hard to get makes a relationship more successful, but it can be an effective strategy if you play it well. Does it make sense to play this game when you know for sure you like them?

The Pros

It is exhilarating when someone works for your attention. After all, nothing in this world can be achieved without some effort. The fun of this dating rule is both the chase and the catch, both feels good.

It helps build and sustain commitment

It can provide an opportunity for both parties to determine if there is potential for a serious relationship. When you’re venturing into a new relationship, it can be hard to gauge your partner’s commitment level. Playing hard to get is like a test to check if your partner is willing to go that extra mile to be with you. Another advantage is, you do not move too fast into a relationship.

It enhances attraction

It has the power to attract a man or a woman. When you engage in this little game, ‘the getting to know phase’ gets all the more fun. It will help to continue without losing interest. When there is no instant gratification your partner won’t be able to get enough of you. Hence they will crave your time and attention.

It keeps you in complete control of the game

Playing hard to get does not mean you should be a controlling partner. This means when you have got your partner’s attention, you have a chance to decide on how things should progress.

Should you go to that party? Hmm….maybe next time. The trick is not to leave them in the dark for too long, then you might risk losing them.

The Cons

The game can leave people confused

Giving cryptic answers, remaining a mystery, or being apathetic for a long time can make someone confused. Canceling a plan at the last minute and just avoiding calls and texts, can cause disappointment.

You can appear like you are too hard to get

When you adopt this approach of ‘too hard to get’, they can be emotionally hurt. They are likely to think you are involved with someone else and they don’t stand a chance. They might think of you as a snob.

When it backfires you risk losing them

They are likely to move on and not try any harder. Especially when someone is looking for a serious relationship, they will not tolerate behaviors such as – cultivating a potential partner’s attraction and then deliberately disregarding it later. It will appear as though the person is playing mind games.

5 great strategies to play hard to get

How do you maintain some thrill of the chase while also not being too easy to get? These strategies will help you to achieve that delicate balance.

  1. Rephrase your words – If you are interested, ask things like “want to hang out?” instead of asking them on a dinner or a movie date. When you make subtle advances, the thrill of the game increases.
  2. Give some hope but don’t be always available – The idea is to have their heart and make them think about you. When you say NO, you disappoint them. But if you suggest an alternative, you are keeping them excited. For example, ask them to bring dinner over when they ask you out.
  3. Don’t answer texts immediately – the idea is to show them that you have your own life. Delaying a response will create some tension and they will know that they need to put in some extra effort to win you over.
  4. Don’t reveal everything about you at once – Show that you have a fulfilled life minus them too. When you start dating, don’t get too clingy.
  5. Give the attention, but maintain some personal space –You don’t miss someone who is always around you. Spending time apart makes the other person value you more and want you even more.

Choose honest strategies and win the dating game

Finding the right person is not easy, but the entire process can be fun and memorable if you play it right. Preserving your value in a relationship is essential to keep the spark alive. Making each other work to preserve the passion, is the right way to play this dating game. Playing hard to get by being yourself and opting for honest strategies and little mystery is always enticing!

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