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How to Flirt: Tips and Tricks to Charm Your Crush

by Eharmony Editorial Team - April 14, 2021

It’s the first dating tip you’ll hear, and the most frequent: flirt with your crush! But that’s easier said than done, especially if you’re not quite sure how to flirt. You’ve seen it movies and books, sure, but those were fictional characters following a script - real life is nowhere near as easy. That said, with these flirting tips, figuring out how to flirt with your crush will be much easier.

How to flirt – Tips for men

Although it’s changing now, typically guys are the ones expected to make the first move. Which begs the question: how to flirt with your crush in a way that doesn’t come across as creepy or too much? Some flirting tips:

1. Be confident

If you’re nervous, trust us, it’ll show, and not necessarily to your advantage. While arrogance isn’t an attractive trait, confidence is for people. There’s nothing that will attract a woman like a guy who’s comfortable with who he is inside. That’s not to say you should act cocky but do be yourself. The right woman will love you for it.

2. Listen

If you only follow one of these flirting tips, let it be this one. Don’t just dominate the conversation; let the other person talk and actively listen. A real conversation is a much more successful flirting strategy than just walking up and dropping a bunch of lame pick-up lines. For instance, if they mention they love pasta on your first date, suggest dinner at an Italian place next time. Or if there’s a band in town they love, ask about their favorite song.

3. Show her you’re interested

Our bodies communicate almost as much as our mouths do. So take advantage of that when you ask yourself how to flirt. Smile, keep your body language open and relaxed, maybe lean in when you talk – but be mindful of her space and take a step back if she shows any discomfort. Also make it a point to notice if they’re comfortable – offer your jacket if it’s cold.

4. Be respectful and gracious

A major aspect of respecting someone is by being conscious of when and where you’re flirting with them. Don’t put them in an awkward position by asking them out at work –they might just be smiling because it’s part of their job, not because of you.

You’re not going to get a yes all, or even most, of the time, no matter how great a flirt you are. When that happens, just accept their no and move on. Media tells people they should keep pushing and the no will turn into a yes, but in reality all it does is let the other person know you’re a creep.

5. Practice

Just as the say goes, practice makes perfect – you’re not going to become any better at flirting without practicing. It sounds counterintuitive, but a good way to getting better at flirting is to do so with people you don’t necessarily want to go on a date with, or in places other than bars or clubs. Train yourself to notice something special about the people you meet, open yourself up to the idea that not every flirtation has to end in romance, and you’ll be much better prepared when you meet the person of your dreams.

How to flirt – Tips for women

Flirting can be even more intimidating if you’re a woman, between all the terrible messages society feeds us about ‘good’ and ‘bad’ girls and our own fears of rejection. Luckily, this isn’t the Victorian era, which means you should have no qualms about using the following flirting tips:

1. Be confident

Some flirting rules are universal, and this is one of them. Remind yourself how awesome you are and how lucky any guy would be to date you. You’ll find yourself much less doubtful if you even know how to flirt with your crush. Plus, guys love a confident woman, and are often flattered to be the ones getting pursued instead of doing the pursuing.

2. Let him catch you looking

Guys can be a little oblivious, so it helps if you know that he’s into you. If he catches you looking, hold eye contact for a second or two, smile, and then casually return to what you were doing – it’s a bold but effective way to attract a man.

3. Let your body do the talking

Men are visual creatures, which means body language is an important part of how to flirt successfully. Make sure to keep yours open and interested – smile, lean in, casually touch his arm. Even if you’ve just run into him by chance, your body can do a lot of the heavy lifting for you when it comes to flirting.

4. If all else fails, try a shot of liquid courage

Obviously, we’re not suggesting you come on to you crush in a drunken haze. But a glass of wine or a single beer or cocktail can help loosen your inhibitions and help you be more forward than you might otherwise be. Plus, you can always offer to buy them a drink!

5. Practice

Another universal rule for how to flirt: you won’t be any good unless you practice. So don’t worry about what might happen; the worst, after all, is that he’ll say no. Plus, the more you flirt when the stakes are low, the better you’ll be at it when you run into the person you really want.

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How to flirt? Have fun, enjoy and bounce back

The thought of actually flirting can be scary, but you’ll never improve unless you try. Take a deep breath, and remember that it’s supposed to be fun! And with eharmony, you’ll have plenty of opportunity to practice how to flirt.

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