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15 Classic Dating Deal Breakers: How to Identify Them?

by Eharmony Editorial Team - April 1, 2021

A new relationship can seem perfect and beautiful at the beginning, but the truth is the euphoria of new love doesn’t usually last forever. If you want your love to last, then you should effectively communicate with each other. Knowing what you and your partner want out of the relationship and finding out the balance is not something to tiptoe around.

Dating deal breakers are not just about differences in preferences. You should be able to spot the issues. A mindful approach to recognize dating red flags is by first understanding what you want. Then make a list of non-negotiable behaviors that you just cannot tolerate in your partner.

Turn offs for men and women can vary. Everyone has a different communication style and it is not easy to be on the same page on every aspect. But different mindsets, values, and lifestyles might cause friction. Identifying the dating deal breakers can sometimes be a complicated task. Here’s a list of common deal breakers to be aware of.

1.      You don’t share the same values

Chemistry and having fun with someone aren’t enough to keep the relationship afloat. It is important to share core values like the importance of family, trust, and perhaps even religious beliefs. Dissimilar values create conflicts.

2.      Your partner is emotionally unavailable.

If you often believe that your feelings are not understood and your comfort is put in jeopardy, then it only means your connection is not strong. Unwilling to discuss the issue, getting defensive, not valuing your opinion or being an emotionally unavailable man or woman are dating deal breakers.

3.      Your partner lies often

Lying destroys trust and eventually the relationship. This is one of the biggest dating deal breakers. If your partner is dishonest with you or hiding stuff from you, it will affect your relationship in the long run.

4.      You recognize a lack of ambition or vision

Lack of drive when getting to know each other and already dating exclusively is a huge deal breaker for many. Not having a vision or just not being determined about anything in life can be a huge turnoff.

5.      You are treated badly when you have a disagreement

Anger issues, using foul language when angry, or getting abusive when upset are things no one should tolerate, especially from your partner. Name-calling, gaslighting, and failing to listen are all typical examples for deal breakers.

6.      You see a lack of interest

It’s easy to miss this one. If you are very much attracted to your partner, you may fail to notice that they are always talking about themselves – their job, their friends, and they never show interest in your life. It is a big dating deal breaker when the world only revolves around them and that shouldn’t be the case in a relationship.

7.      Your partner constantly changes, or cancels plans with you

If your partner is always making you wait, or even worse, canceling plans in the last minute, you are dating a serial offender. It means they have no interest in you and do not respect you. Time to reconsider the relationship.

8.      You identify that he or she is still hung up on their ex

This one is quite an obvious sign and sometimes your partner even admits to it that he or she is not over his or her ex yet. Keeping your hopes up for someone who is so stuck to their past is pointless.

9.      Your partner is selfish

This is a huge warning sign – you are never a priority in their life. They always value their pleasure and happiness over yours or anyone else’s. If you are the only one giving in the relationship, it is definitely time to move on.

10. Your partner neglects his or her appearance

Someone who is not bothered about their personal hygiene or appearance cannot take care of others. If basic levels of cleanliness or presentation are amiss, it only means they do not have self-value. Such people cannot respect others.

11. You notice a persistent negativity

If your partner is always complaining or having a bad mood, it can affect your life too. It is a dating deal breaker if they cannot see the positive in anything and prefer to rant about every situation.

12. You have the feeling to get controlled

They may not be physically aggressive, but they like to make every decision – for example, they tell you what to wear (or not to), who you can talk to (or should not), and they like to have things their way. They can be highly critical, isolate you from your friends, and may not give you any space.

13. You got cheated

When you start dating, you set some boundaries. If someone you love has crossed those limits, even if it is not as bad as betrayal or infidelity, they have still broken the set dating rules. It is hard to rebuild such relationships.

14. Your partner is bad with money

Money is not a crucial element for a happy relationship and can turn out as a real dating deal breaker. But if your partner is mismanaging finances, or wants to keep a check on your expenses, or debt is involved, your relationship will be in trouble in the future.

15. You have strong opposing views on fundamental things

Staple expectations like getting married or having kids are something that you should discuss at some point in your relationship. When views are contradicting and if one partner is just giving in, it is a recipe for disaster.

Pointing out the TOP 3 traits that break the deal

Having a set of dating deal breakers is all about self-respect and self-worth. You are not being too picky, you just do not want to settle for something less. You cannot have an ‘ideal’ relationship or a partner, but you can avoid being in a bad or a toxic relationship.

You can have certain dating expectations, and your partner may check all those boxes, but these 3 traits are unacceptable:

  • Dissimilar values
  • Emotional unavailability
  • Dishonesty

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Often when it turns from dating to relationship, there can be a deal breaker for one, that may not be a great deal of an issue for the other. The key is to face the issues head-on and to communicate clearly. If you still haven’t met the one who checks those boxes that are important to you, joineharmony. A compatible partner is guaranteed.

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