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Dating An Emotionally Intense Person: When Everything is Dialed Up to 100

by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

You might have heard someone say, “He/she’s so intense!” But what does that actually mean, and what is dating an intense person like? The idea that intensity can be a part of your personality has only recently made its way into the public consciousness, and many people still don’t understand what emotionally intense relationships are. In this article, we’ll look at what being an intense person is, what being with one is like, and offer you some tips for how to make the most of being with an intense person.

What is an intense person?

As the name suggests, an intense person is someone who feels emotions, both positive and negative, in a deeper and more vivid way than most people do. Emotional intensity is more common among Highly Sensitive People, empaths, or gifted people. Being an intense person can manifest differently in different people – some may be highly perceptive, others may have a rich inner life and a deep wellspring of creativity, others may have what feels like an endless amount of physical energy. Regardless of how their intensity manifests, dating an intense person comes with its own unique challenges.

What it’s like dating an intense person

Simply put, intense people feel the same emotions their neurotypical peers do but at a deeper, more, dare we say, intense level. This can have its upsides – they are passionate, curious, and prone to getting excited about things – but it also has its downsides. Intense people can have a hard time relaxing and taking it easy, and they feel negative emotions like fear, anger, and grief more keenly as well. Dating an intense person can be very rewarding, but it can also be hard on their partners, especially if they are not used to dealing with strong emotions.

Essential dating reed flags you should look out for

Let’s take a look at some red flags examples and, if/when they can be overcome through communication and basic aspects of conflict resolution before they become very real obstacles in your budding relationship.

Is a relationship with an intense person good?

Dating an intense person has many advantages. For instance, with intensity comes passion – if you wind up dating an emotionally intense person, you will not be wondering if they have feelings for you. They’ll do their best to be an amazing partner to you. Emotionally intense people often also have a lot of energy, which is great if you’re also the type to lead an active lifestyle, or when it comes to juggling work and your relationship. They’re also driven, which means that if you want something to happen? They’ll make it happen.

That said, dating an intense guy or girl always sunshine and roses. That same drivenness can be exhausting to deal with, especially if you sometimes don’t mind taking it slow. And since intense people also feel negative emotions more strongly, the odds of a relationship with one being calm and stress-free aren’t very high. For someone who doesn’t have the same depth of feeling, it can be very difficult to not take an intense person’s outbursts personally, or even wonder if something is wrong with them that they’re setting them off.

Even though dating an intense person can be, well, intense, it is absolutely possible – it just takes a willingness to accommodate them – just like any other relationship!

How to deal with an intense partner

When it comes to dating an intense person, the key is to work with their intensity rather than expecting them to be able to act like a normal person because they’re in a relationship. Some tips:

  • Keep the lines of communication open: Clear communication is the foundation of any successful relationship and one with an intense person even more so.
  • Don’t take it personally: It really isn’t you; this is just how an intense person’s brain works.
  • Work around their sensory needs: Some intense people cannot handle too many sensory inputs. Make sure you know what their limits are and be ready to leave if they’re overwhelmed.
  • Keep your independence. Intense people tend to give 110% in everything they do, which is less than great when it’s something you have zero interest in. Having your own space will make the relationship less stressful for both of you.
  • Listen to them and acknowledge their feelings. Intense people are often told they’re too much. If you’re dating an intense person, it’s important to accept them for who they are.
  • Encourage them to find healthy outlets for their emotions: journaling, physical exercise, or even consulting a mental health professional.

Is dating an intense person the right choice for you?

Dating an intense person isn’t for everyone, but if you’re the kind of person who enjoys a lot of excitement in your life, having a passionate partner in dating might be for you. Regardless of whether your significant other is all-go-go or so laid back they could be used as a beach towel, though, what’s important is that the relationship works for you. And if you don’t have a significant other? That’s what eharmony is for.

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