Sex Appeal and its Meaning in the Modern Dating Age

Your first question – and perhaps even the reason you may be reading this – probably is, what does sex appeal mean? While it can be a somewhat strange and nebulous concept that changes from person to person, you can’t ignore the obvious impact it has on dating and relationships.

Let’s take a straightforward look at this timeless idea of sex appeal and its meaning, what psychological notions underpin it – according to research – and how anyone can make a meaningful effort to increase their sex appeal and improve their dating life in general, simply by putting more effort into it.

What is sex appeal?

To put it in somewhat abstract terms, sex appeal is a person’s innate ability to attract others who want to date or otherwise have some kind of romantic interaction with them. Sex appeal is distinct from beauty in this sense. While they certainly have a fair degree of overlap, beauty is aesthetic while sex appeal is a social concept.

When we look at sex appeal, its meaning and the science behind it, beauty happens to be just one optional component of it. It’s not even necessary for someone to be considered classically beautiful to have sex appeal.

There are a bunch of things that can make someone attractive in your eyes. Things such as how objectively attractive you find their appearance, whether or not they have the body type you like, their ability to be charismatic – or it could even just be that they make you laugh like no else can. 

Remember that these sex appeal examples are just metrics people use individually to judge attractiveness. There’s no such thing as a universal preference, even for the Ryan Goslings of this world. Every person judges sex appeal differently, according to their own preferences.

The science behind sex appeal

Just like sleeping, yawning, dreaming¹ and so many other processes in the brain, we don’t properly understand human attraction. It’s something of a scientific mystery. We don’t know much about why the brain does what it does in general, which further muddies the waters for reliably understanding sex appeal and what it means.

However, we can see the chemical spikes in the body during the whole process of a romantic relationship. On a chemical level, it triggers our reward center, releasing high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, as well as smaller levels of serotonin, according to a Harvard Review Article. These make you feel giddy, excited and euphoric.

What contributes to sex appeal is almost infinite. However, according to a study published in the Review of General Psychology², some of the most commonly cited aspects include:

• Facial features and their general arrangement and symmetry
• A person’s voice
• Body fat levels
• Hip-to-waist ratio
• Body configuration (like muscles)
• Kissing chemistry

But you we actually want to define sex appeal completely? Attraction being something that science can’t ever fully explain is part of the magic and mystery. It’s unnamable. It’s making eye contact across a room. It’s faintly catching the enchanting miasma of someone’s perfume as they pass. It’s that desire to kiss that special someone when you’ve run out of words. In the end, sex appeal simply is. Or sometimes unfortunately isn’t.

Building your confidence and charisma

Confidence and charisma play an incredibly important role in the concept of sex appeal and its meaning.  The dating scene is unfortunately a competitive marketplace. Being confident and charismatic helps you stand out from others and makes you harder to ignore. Here’s how to be more confident in general.

• Keep up with positive self-talk in your inner monologue
• Don’t be afraid to be yourself around others
• Set small achievable goals for easy wins
• Don’t compare yourself to others – everyone has their own problems
• Don’t allow negative people into your life
• Practice self-care, both mentally and physically

Body language and signs of attraction awareness can also help you reciprocate positively. For instance, when talking to someone you like always keep good posture, maintain eye contact for attraction, stand with an open gesture facing them, and make sure to practice active listening so they feel seen and heard when they’re with you.

Next time you work up the nerve to walk up to that person who catches your eye, introduce yourself and ask about them…actually listen. Offer a non-judgmental perspective and tell them something about yourself in return. Be assertive, but not brash and cocky, as that can come off even worse than shyness. Be kind, but also be intriguing. Be someone who they’d maybe like to know more.

Developing the right social skills

Being confident and charismatic is a good start to helping you approach someone the right way and distinguishing you from others. But even though it’s a crucial skill for meeting people, it’s still only the first step.

When it comes to sex appeal, meaning well doesn’t always get you what you want. You need to keep someone’s attention once you’ve caught it. Here are some quick tips for starting a conversation and keeping it fun and engaging.

• Ask them for a basic favor, like a good pastry bakery place in the area.
• Build on the conversation by asking more about the area or even something about them (especially their interests or hobbies).
• Offer something about yourself too.
• Be conscious of their body language and whether it’s open to you at all.
• Engage properly with their answers.
• Offer them a few respectful compliments during the conversation.
• Move the interaction forward at a normal pace towards a first date and be upfront about your romantic interest.
• Accept whatever answer they give you gracefully and respect their boundaries. Even if it wasn’t the one you wanted.  

And always remember that a little humor and kindness can go a long way to setting a good impression.

The importance of first impressions

When you look at the meaning of sex appeal, it’s almost conceptually inseparable from first impressions. Sex appeal as a social concept is more immediate – it doesn’t build up slowly; you either have it with someone or you don’t. It is a first impression in and of itself.

This is why you need to make sure that your first impression in a romantic opportunity is at best. to make a big splash, and at worst, is to make sure it isn’t an irretrievable disaster. Stay away from touchy topics until you know their views on certain issues. When you first approach, make sure your advances aren’t rude or unwelcome (this is where good body language literacy becomes useful again). Perhaps avoid it altogether if you’ve found yourself out in your old college sweatpants and your favorite couch t-shirt.

On your first date, be punctual or it’ll show them that you don’t respect their time. Remember that conversations are generally held between two people, so try not to be the one doing all the talking. When they express something personal, show genuine interest and probe deeper with open-ended questions. Also, when they introduce you to the people in their life, regardless of your personal opinion of them, remember that being a source of positivity and support for your partner is the sexiest thing you can do in a loving, long-term relationship.

How to increase your sex appeal

Let’s summarize a few things you can do to increase your sex appeal, while also helping to foster a more open and healthy relationship:

• Sex appeal is about what’s inside, not just about your looks.
• Everyone has their own definition of sex appeal and its meaning to them.
• It largely happens on a chemical level, which you can’t control. So why worry when someone you like doesn’t feel the same way? It just wasn’t meant to be.
• Not even science can explain why we feel it for certain people and not others.
• The right amount of confidence can help you stand out from the crowd on the dating scene.
• Work on those little things every day to boost your self-confidence in dating.
• Learn to become a good communicator who doesn’t just know how to talk, but also listens with empathy.
• Every connection starts with a conversation. It’s up to you to start it.
• Make the right first impression by dressing the part, respecting their boundaries, making them laugh and being brave enough to ask for that first date.    

Sex appeal and its meaning is different for every potential love story

As you can see, initial sex appeal can play a large role in managing how people see you and making the right impression on the singles you’re interested in.

As your connection develops, sex appeal and its meaning can also mature to include building more meaningful traits with your partner; this can include healthier communication models and holding a deeper notion of self-esteem that can help treat your partner better, and improve your mental health in general. We encourage you to use these tips not just to improve your dating life, but also to work on improving yourself along the way.