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Fear of Falling in Love: Reasons and Pro Tips to Deal with the Anxiety

by Eharmony Editorial Team - April 12, 2021

Falling in love is an amazing feeling but does just the thought of it fear you? Are you someone who scares relationships, commitments, and/or intimacy? If your fear is beyond the initial apprehensiveness, then there is an issue.

When the overwhelming fear of falling in love is making you anxious each time you think of dating and is so intense that it has begun to interfere with your life then it’s more than just a fear, it is a phobia. The good news is that you can get over the phobia and you will eventually be able to trust someone with all your heart and form deep, meaningful connections.

Before dealing with it, you should first be honest with yourself about why you have worries and inhibited to fall in love.

4 reasons, why you are so scared to fall in love

You may be aware that your fear is irrational yet still clueless about how to control it. Ask yourself why you are avoiding romantic relationships are your previous experiences stopping you, are you of the opinion that dating is unnecessary pressure, or do you think that you will never find someone who complements your personality? Whatever your reason, it is important to first identify it so you can take steps to move past these hurdles.

If you’re able to work through your emotions, then you can better understand your feelings or concerns with falling in love.

1. You burden a lot of emotional baggage from past relationships

If your ex crushed your heart, then it is natural to be scared to fall in love again. You are scared of getting hurt again. Betrayal, infidelity, or a divorce can be terrifying. Give time for these emotional scars to heal.

2. You are unable to open up and have trust issues

Does your fear of falling in love have more to do with the emotional attachment love carries or commitment? This does not mean you like to be lonely or are antisocial. You just find it difficult to open up to someone, trust them, and form meaningful relationships. You think that everyone you meet will hurt you or take advantage of you in some way.

3. You love your single life more than anything

At this point, finding the right partner and building a life feels like an expectation. But it’s not for everyone – if you love your independency and you feel like being single forever then live your life on your own terms. You do not want to compromise or sacrifice anything for the sake of a relationship.

4. Your fear of falling in love is related to childhood trauma

You have this exaggerated or irrational feeling of danger towards love or you experience anxiety while thinking of committing in a relationship. The cause could be called Philophobia and is rooted in a trauma or childhood experiences where you have seen a failed or damaged relationship in the family.

5 helpful strategies to get over the fear of falling in love

If there is anyone who can change your perceptions and your situation, it is you. Once you accept your flaws and identify the reason, you are already on the path of healing. Here are some crucial strategies you can adopt to break down the barriers inside yourself:

  1. Be vulnerable and try to open up: Being vulnerable is a sign of strength.It means displaying how you really feel – no more acting tough or hiding emotions. Avoid hard and fast rules of a relationship. When you realize that no individual or a relationship is perfect, you tend to look at the circumstances more positively.
    Quick tip: Don’t hold back your feelings and drop your defenses.
  2. Trace the problems back to their roots: What has hurt you in the past? Were you rejected by a parent or did you witness destructive interactions between your parents? If you are nodding a yes to any of these, then you should first stop listening to your inner critic which is trying to push away your present happiness.
    Quick tip:  A positive change can happen when you put back your emotions and projections to where they belong.
  3. Understand that it takes time: Take small steps and challenge yourself every day to help you overcome the fear of falling in love. Your efforts to drop your guard and ignore your inner critic should be consistent.
    Quick tip: When you meet someone, who is genuinely interested in you, make a conscious effort to reciprocate the feelings.
  4. Don’t idealize relationships: When you expect too much you are more likely to be disappointed. If you have had a happy single life, you cannot expect your partner to do everything the same way – relationships are a two-way street. Also, don’t be too dependent on this one person.
    Quick tip: Stick up for your standards, but don’t seek perfection.
  5. Find a partner who understands you well:  All good things take time and to establish a healthy relationship, you need to invest both time and effort. When you are ready, find a worthy partner who shares your values and respects you.
    Quick tip: Fear of failing stems from self-doubt. Be positive.

Good to know: While there is no exact formula for a great relationship, eharmony dating platform has matching algorithms that pair you with someone who shares your values and beliefs. If you haven’t dated in a long time or dating after a divorce or just waiting for a real, serious relationship, then eharmony is for you.

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Leave your fears of falling in love behind and find a compatible partner

The scare about love is a real thing. If this has caused any negative impact in your life you should not hesitate to seek help from a professional. Take baby steps and jump over these stumbling blocks on your path to love.

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