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Dating Chemistry: About the Significance & Signs of This Phenomenon

by eharmony Editorial Team - April 18, 2021

Dating chemistry. Everyone says it’s important, but what exactly is it, and what are the signs of chemistry? Put simply, dating chemistry is the connection between two people. It can be physical (we’ve all met someone we really wanted immediately upon meeting) or emotional (conversations with them feel like talking with an old friend) or a combination of both. The chemistry you share with a person is one of the most important parts of dating.

Why Is chemistry so important?

When it comes to dating, chemistry is super important, perhaps even more so than compatibility, at the beginning at least. Here’s why:

Good chemistry creates a positive feedback loop

When you have strong chemistry with someone, the positive feelings you create in one and other build off each other, creating a positive feedback loop. The longer this loop is allowed to continue, the better you both feel.

Dating chemistry makes a relationship exciting

We’ve all been there – those relationships with someone who’s perfect on paper, except there’s absolutely no spark. While compatibility in a relationship is essential, a relationship with no chemistry is about as exciting as watching paint dry.

Chemistry is a foundation for more

The thing about long-term relationships is that they need both chemistry and compatibility to survive. Unless you have chemistry with someone, it’s difficult to find the motivation to date them long enough to see if you are compatible with them long-term.

What does dating chemistry mean, exactly?

According to researcher Helen Fisher, author of Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage and Why We Stray, love can be broken down into three stages – lust, attraction, and attachment, and your body reacts differently in each one. In the lust and attraction stages, the body is in control, with pleasure- and excitement-related hormones like dopamine, adrenaline and cortisol, which affect your physical reactions. During the attachment stage, however, dopamine gives way to oxytocin and vasopressin, hormones that are thought to promote bonding. So, chemistry is exactly that – biochemistry.

How to identify dating chemistry between two people

What are some hints of having chemistry with someone? It’s more than just strong feelings after the first date – these can include:

You being comfortable being yourself

Let’s face it, the first few dates are a little like an extended job interview. You’re both on your best behavior while trying to figure out if the other person is a good fit. If the dating chemistry is intense, though, it feels less like an interview and more like a series of conversations with a friend. You feel free to talk about things you might not otherwise, like your affection for 90s pop or your fear of My Little Ponies.

You being hyper aware of touch

Sexual attraction is often a big component of dating chemistry and feeling like you can’t keep your hands off each other is a big sign. When you have that spark with someone, you’ll get a rush from touching them, whether by accident or on purpose. If you find excuses to have your hand graze their arm as you pass, or playfully touch them in the middle of a conversation, and it gives you a rush – that’s one of the major signs of chemistry.

Your body responding to them

Sometimes, your body knows before your brain does. When you have intense dating chemistry with someone, your body responds in certain ways – fore instance eye contact is easy, or you find yourself unconsciously leaning forward or mirroring your partner. It’s also really easy to picture yourself hugging or kissing them, or even more, and that’s a sure sign you have chemistry with someone.

You can’t stop smiling or laughing in their presence

Even if their jokes aren’t really that funny. Or even if you have no real reason to smile. Just being in their company is enough – the chemistry between you two does the rest. Not only does it mean you have a similar sense of humor, a very important thing when it comes to a successful long-term relationship, it also means that you can be happy in each other’s company, which is just as important.

You learn things with them

While the physical law of attraction is an important part of dating chemistry, it’s definitely not all there is to it. Intellectual compatibility is just as important – if you two challenge each other, whether overtly or in a more subtle way, like trying out new cuisines or going go-karting when you’d never thought of doing such a thing before – that’s another sign you two have great chemistry.

Time flies when you’re with them

You were only supposed to chat for five minutes, but it’s three hours later and you still haven’t run out of things to say. Or what was supposed to be a coffee date turned into a lingering dinner that lasted until the restaurant closed. A good connection and good chemistry will make everything around you disappear – even your sense of time.

Deepen your bond by understanding dating chemistry

While being compatible with someone is a major factor in the success of long-term relationships, the role of chemistry can’t be understated, especially when it comes to dating. Ideally, you will have both chemistry and compatibility with your partner, as the two are both necessary for a successful relationship. If you’re looking to find that spark with someone compatible, eharmony, with its large pool of singles and unique Compatibility Matching System, is a great place to do so.

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