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Is He the One? How to Know When to Put a Ring on It

by eharmony Editorial Team - April 19, 2021

You’ve met someone and you’ve been dating for a while, you really like or maybe even fall in love with him. Thing is, if you’re not sure of the answer to the all-important question: Is he the one? Or you’re at the very beginning stages of your relationship and you’re looking for signs that he’s worth the time and effort or signs that he’s the one. In this article, we’ll look at some of the qualities to look for in a guy and whether he’s the one to have a relationship with, or even marry.

5 Signs he’s the one to have a relationship with

It’s not always obvious if a guy is boyfriend material right at the start of a relationship. But there are signs he’s worth the time and effort to date.

1. He’s a gentleman

We don’t just mean that he pulls out your chair or opens doors for you, although it is nice. Is he thoughtful and attentive to your needs? How does he treat people with less power than him, like waitstaff or customer service reps? Does he respect people, including you? If you can answer these questions with ‘yes’ than you can be sure he’s the one.

2. He’s got his life together

We’re not saying he should be the PhD-holding CEO of a Fortune 500 company by 30. But any guy worth (online) dating should at least have basic adulting skills (laundry, cooking, keeping his apartment decent), be presentable, and have some idea of what he wants to do with his life and be actively working towards it. You’re signing up to be his partner, not his housekeeper.

3. He’s the one when your values align

While in theory opposites attract, in practice, you should have some fundamental things in common if you’re dating exclusive and plan to have a long-term relationship. Being on the same page regarding kids (do you want them? How many? How will you handle childcare?), politics, and limits are key if you want a relationship that lasts.

4. He’s willing to compromise

Here’s a good litmus test: early on in your relationship, say no to something. Maybe you’re not free for dinner, or maybe you really don’t want to go to concert. His reaction to being told ‘no’ regarding something small and unimportant is a good barometer for how bigger conflicts will play out down the line. If he can’t compromise, even at this stage? Run.

5. He’s direct

Is there anything more off-putting than a guy who plays games? Or seems to think if he acts all chill and uninterested, people will suddenly fall all over him. If a guy can’t be bothered to make his interests clear or take the lead in situations, it’s a surefire sign he’s NOT worth dating.

You want to know what to look for in a guy?

Use this list of twelve important qualities to look for in a man decide whether or not he’s worth dating.

7 Signs he’s the one you should marry

Okay, you’ve been dating a while, he’s met your family and you’ve met his. Things are going great. Time to get serious about the question: Is he the one to have a forever relationship with? It’s a big step, and not one to be taken lightly. Some signs you should have in mind:

1. You’re friends first

When the initial rush of love fades away (and it will) you’ll still have a lifetime to spend with this man, so make sure you like being around him and spending time with him – a partner you can depend on through the years, even without the butterflies.

2. He trusts you

Jealousy is only fun to read about or watch on TV, not experience. Your man shouldn’t be so insecure about his place in your life that he tries to keep you from having friends, or feels the need to constantly question you about everathing. And more than that, he should know you’re an independent, intelligent woman or man who can make their own decisions. If he can accept that the answer to ‘Is he the one?’ is a big Y-E-S.

3. You each have your own lives

Relatedly, just because the two of you are a couple now doesn’t mean you stop being individuals, and a good man recognizes that. In fact, one of the major signs he’s the one is that he’ll be the one encouraging you to spend time with a friend going through a rough breakup or telling you to go enjoy some well-deserved me time.

4. You say ‘We’ not ‘I’ and so does he

A major sign he is ready for a serious relationship? When either of you think of the future, the other is always part of it. Whether it’s talking about heading to your cousin’s wedding next year, or a dream vacation to Alaska, or even kids, it’s ‘we’ and ‘our’, not ‘I’ and ‘my’ from both of you.

5. You can have healthy conflicts

All couples fight, it’s natural and normal. But a big sign he’s the one is if your fights are healthy – neither of you make things personal, you’re willing to apologize and compromise most of the time, and you don’t hold grudges or refuse to accept feedback.

6. He’s your #1 hype man

People you’ve never met know you… because your guy has been telling them all about his amazing wonderful partner. If he’s Mr Right, your victories are his victories, and when you’re having a bad day, he’s there with a listening ear and words of encouragement.

7. You just know

Never discount the importance of your feelings. If your heart, gut and brain are telling you he’s the one… he likely is.

Is he the one? If he’s worth committing to, he’ll make it clear

Whether at the beginning of a relationship or much further down the line, it can be hard to determine if he’s the one. But there are certain things any man worth making a life with will do. So, look out for the typical indicators if you need help figuring out whether he’s right for you, and your happily ever after will be that much closer.

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