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Unlucky In Love: How to change your relationship destiny  

by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

Are you constantly trying, and failing, to find an authentic relationship? When you do find someone, does it quickly fizzle out or turn sour? Do the people you date rarely treat you well? You just might be unlucky in love. It can be hard to watch people you know couple up and even get married, while you stay stubbornly, hopelessly single. However, being unlucky in love isn’t a fate written in stone. Let’s look at a few reasons why you might be unlucky in love and what you can do about it. 


Why do people feel unlucky in love? 

Feeling unlucky in love can happen for all sorts of reasons, not all of which are under your control. Some signs you’re unlucky in love include:  

  • Setting your expectations too high: Yes, we’re all looking for Mr or Ms Right, but being too picky might mean missing out on a wonderful person who’s right there 
  • You’re looking in the wrong places: If you want a serious relationship, don’t expect to find it on a hookup app  
  • You love the chase, not what comes after: Some people love the excitement of the initial stages of a relationship but lose interest once that honeymoon period is over  
  • You’re repeating the same mistakes when it comes to choosing a partner: While there’s nothing wrong with having a type, one reason you might be unlucky in love is that you keep dating the same kind of person or move from one unhealthy relationship to another 
  • You’re sabotaging yourself: You might subconsciously fear commitment, or believe you don’t deserve the relationship, so you take steps to end it rather than leave your comfort zone 

6 tips for when you’re unlucky in love 

Just because you’ve been unlucky in love so far doesn’t mean you have to keep having crash-and-burn relationships. Before you start dating again, follow this advice to reduce the chances of being unlucky in a relationship. 

1. Self-reflection and awareness 

Think about what went wrong in your previous relationships. Are there patterns? Be honest about who was at fault – you can’t improve if you’re unwilling to admit you made mistakes. Therapy can help with this, as can a conversation with an understanding friend.  

2. Set realistic expectations 

It’s important not to go overboard on your expectations – we’re all human, with our individual flaws and foibles. Look at how you’re going about finding a partner – being unlucky in love might simply be a question of looking for it in the wrong place.  

3. Focus on self-improvement and growth 

A common trait of people who are unlucky in love is expecting a relationship to solve all your problems. Rather than outsourcing your happiness and self-worth, work on being proud of yourself. Not only will this improve your quality of life, it will likely lead to you attracting a better class of partner.  

4. Work on your communication skills 

Effective communication is one of the cornerstones of successful relationships, romantic or otherwise. Learning how to communicate in a relationship could be your jumping-off point if you’re not confident in your ability to communicate with a partner. 

5. Recognize red flags 

Often, saying you’re unlucky in love is another way of saying you choose bad partners. Learn to recognize red flags – jealousy, possessiveness, a lack of respect for your boundaries – and don’t be afraid to walk away the moment one shows up.  

6. Don’t let rejection get you down 

Everyone gets shot down sometimes. The key is not letting it get to you, no matter how often it happens. Remember, dating is a numbers game and you only need to find one person who likes you back. 

Dos and don’ts of dating

Successful dating can feel like an unsolvable problem and may even feel like your are unlucky in love. While there could be some hurdles to meeting the right person, these tips can help you find lasting love.

When it comes to relationships, make your own luck with eharmony 

There are many reasons you might feel unlucky in love, from simply not looking in the right places to accidentally sabotaging your own happiness. Speaking of places to look, eharmony is a great choice – our unique Compatibility Matching System helps you find partners who share the same values you do. Sign up for eharmony and take the first step on the path to real love today. 

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