What is Dating and Why It’s Complicated

It seemed a straightforward concept when you were younger. What is dating often boiled down to two people meeting, falling in love, getting married or committed and then either stay together forever or break up somewhere down the line.

When asking what does dating mean, it’s usually been the first one-and-a-half steps in that process. But today, it can mean different things and unique journeys to a relationship. So let’s explore how things have changed.

What is dating’s purpose and goals?

It’s a fine and romantic idea that dating is about finding love. But unlike anxiety, fear or joy, love isn’t an emotion but a psychological drive¹.

This complicates the question, what is the meaning of dating’. For some, it’s a simple pursuit of companionship. It’s finding someone to grow old with. It’s to not live one’s life unseen but to share it with another. For others, it’s an opportunity for personal growth and in loving someone more than themselves, they find a deeper meaning to existence.

What is the point of dating?

What, might you ask, is the purpose of dating? As we all know, marriage is – or should be – a lifelong commitment. This is why it’s only sensible to get to know your partner beforehand… which is where dating comes in. Dating allows you to get to know your partner better before making any kind of commitment, or otherwise spend time together with no commitment, if that’s what you’re after. No matter what your intention is when it comes to dating, remember that good communication, consent, and mutual respect are key to a successful relationship, no matter what kind.

What are the primary purposes of dating, and how do they vary between casual and serious relationships?

Understanding the primary motivations behind dating is crucial for navigating relationships, whether casual or serious. Our eharmony relationship experts sheds light on the varied purposes of dating and their impact on relationship dynamics:

The eharmony relationship expert Laurel House defines dating with three purposes: Fun, Exploration/Expansion, and Committed Relationship. Many people have one purpose but a different style, and that can come across as confusing and result in the end of a dating situation because of misaligned dating purposes.

I have seen this a lot with daters who are looking for something real, but out of fear that they might come across as too serious, they date with a style and attitude of fun, confusing their partner into thinking that this is just a fun-for-now, time-filling, short-term fling. When you date with the purpose or in the style of fun, your heart is not open, your vulnerabilities are not exposed, and a deep connection is not formed.

Dating with the purpose of exploration and expansion is dating fun-first. When you date for the purpose or in the style of exploration/expansion you tend to date people who might not historically be your typical “type,” perhaps because you are interested in testing the waters to see if this different type could be a better match for you, or maybe you want to learn something new and this different type of person is your opportunity to be introduced to a different lifestyle, activities, or interests. Dating for the purpose of exploration and expansion is dating head-first, because your mind and your curiosity are open, but your heart might not be.

Make sure that your purpose and your style of dating align.

eharmony Relationship Expert, Laurel House

Whichever of the 3 purposes you are pursuing right now, get clarity on what you’re looking for, in order to show up confidently, and then communicate with clarity and confidence to your date as to what you are looking for right now. And know that your purpose will likely evolve and change as your priorities and life shifts into a different gear. When that change occurs, be sure to redefine your new purpose and realign your attitude, actions, and style in order to keep your purpose and style consistent for the people you date.

So what does dating someone mean in a practical sense? It’s the simple things like spending time together. It’s the special moments of intimacy you can’t give words or form to. But most importantly it’s the chase for that spark of emotion which gives life to a world of possibilities.

The eharmony relationship expert Lalitta Suglani says, that “Dating” primarily serves to create an emotional connection, companionship, and mutual support. In casual relationships, the purpose is often cantered around enjoyment, socialisation or connection, and experiencing new interactions without the pressure of long-term commitment. These relationships allow individuals to explore their interests and meet diverse people in a ‘low-stakes’ environment. In contrast, serious relationships focus on developing deeper emotional bonds and planning a shared future. The emphasis shifts to compatibility, trust, and long-term commitment. Serious dating involves significant emotional investment and dedication to nurturing the relationship, aiming to build a stable partnership together.

Different types of dating

Different people want different things, so it’s no surprise that there are many different answers to ‘what is dating?’ The many different types of relationships someone might be in can include:

Casual 

Casual dating is dating without a great deal of commitment. People who are in a casual relationship usually have casual sex, or near-sexual relationships, without exclusivity or much of an emotional connection with each other. Casual relationships can be fun if you want occasional company without any major strings or commitments. There are no obligations or responsibilities, and everything is light and informal between the two of you.

Friends with benefits

A friends-with-benefits (or FWB) relationship is, as the name suggests, a friendship where the people involved have sex with each other. Unlike hooking up, which is a one-night stand with someone you don’t know, a friends-with-benefits situation is usually an extension of a pre-existing friendship. While some FWB relationships do become actual romantic relationships over time, many don’t – either it stays just as just a friendship, or the relationship breaks down completely.

Situationship

One of the more recent permutations of dating out there, a situationship is a relationship between two people who are more than friends but do not consider themselves to be a couple yet. None of the usual norms or expectations of an actual romantic relationship apply, and it usually means you haven’t had the ‘define the relationship’ talk yet. It can work for some people, but others find the lack of commitment anxiety-inducing.

Online dating

As the name suggests, online dating happens primarily on the Internet. Usually, people use dating apps to conduct these types of relationships. Most apps target a particular demographic, and each app has different ways to filter or search for partners. Online dating apps are a great option for people who may not have a lot of local options or who are looking for specific qualities in their partner.

Speed dating

Speed dating is a formal event that’s designed to help single people meet a lot of other singles quickly, hence the name. At a speed dating event, there are several rounds, and you will be paired with a different person for each round to determine whether you’re interested in each other. Once the event is over, if someone you indicated an interest in is also interested in you, you’ll be allowed to get in touch.

Blind dating

A blind date is a date between two people who know nothing about each other, hence the term. Blind dates are usually set up by the couple’s friends or family or even a professional matchmaking service, and can be a great way to step outside of your comfort zone or get back into dating after a gap. Just be sure to be careful and sensible about it!

Friend set-up

How people dated before the Internet. In all seriousness, your friends know you and want what’s best for you, so getting set up by friends is a pretty good idea; you know that any potential partner has managed to pass at least a few basic tests. The one downside is all the potential awkwardness if things don’t work out.

Long-distance

Long-distance dating is when two people in a relationship aren’t in the same geographical location for the majority of the time. Most of the relationship happens over text, phone, or video calls – and visits as time and budgets permit. Long-distance relationships take a lot of work and commitment, but they’re also a lot easier now that we all have smartphones and the Internet.

Exclusive

Exclusive dating is when you and your partner decide that you’re only going to see each other, nobody else. Most serious relationships tend to be exclusive, as being with a single person is considered a sign of commitment. Some people choose to make their relationship exclusive early, while others take more time to decide before settling down with one person – it all depends on the individual relationships.

Non-monogamy

The opposite of exclusive dating, non-monogamy means dating several people at once, or seeing other people while in a primary relationship – with the consent of everyone involved, of course. While it doesn’t work for everyone, non-monogamy can work well for people who feel constrained by more standard relationships. Of course, it requires excellent communication skills, a willingness to share, and most importantly, understanding partners.

The dating process in a nutshell

Looking at how to start dating? First, you need to meet a suitable partner. Go online or find other places to meet people. Once you’ve found chemistry, you need to check if they feel the same way.

Suggest something simple like coffee so you can get to know each other and establish compatibility. As you go on more dates you’ll learn what is dating in a relationship and the various shapes it takes. But let this grow naturally.

What is dating in a relationship?

The difference between dating and a relationship can sometimes be a question what is dating exclusively? Dating is also more of an exploratory phase whereas relationships are about strengthening your bond and seeing whether you’ve found the right person.

Some tips for when you’re stuck on what is dating

• Always show up on time for your dates. Come across as dependable
• Respect their boundaries. Have a mutually comfortable pace
• Plan your dates well. Try to find out what they like
• Keep some conversation starters at hand in case of awkward silences

Why dating with eharmony is different

There are many dating apps but what makes eharmony different? We’re there the whole journey. We’re here for real love. Our core mission is to help singles find a happy, lasting relationship. Our unique Compatibility Matching System takes out the guesswork, while our platform features strengthen your connection.

What is dating? It’s whatever you want it to be

So what is dating? At its heart, it’s just the journey. But it’s one worth enjoying because it’s a wild road laden with scenic vistas, dangerous pitfalls, speedbumps and, if you’re lucky, a truly life-affirming destination. Love.