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Exploring Lesbian Dating Advice From Another Angle

by eharmony Editorial Team - February 22, 2024

Have you ever wondered, why is lesbian dating so hard? While the trials of modern dating obviously aren’t a purely gay phenomenon, there are common trends and pitfalls that are unique to lesbian dating.

Let’s look at lesbian dating advice as a progressing, ever-evolving concept which changes as you gain dating experience and your appreciation of intimacy matures and changes. 

Lesbian dating advice as a concept

The reason there are so many lesbian dating tips, articles, listicles and memes out there is that it’s a kaleidoscopic experience. What’s important before onboarding any advice is to take real stock of your dating goals, expectations and the type of women you want in your life.

How to get started on the lesbian dating scene

When it comes to lesbian dating advice, there’s no substitution for walking up to someone and starting a flirtatious conversation. Old as society itself and yet it still summons such apprehension and dread in some of us that the mere notion seems preposterous.

The only consistent advice for these nerves is to take a breath, remember they’re just human and try not to overthink it.

Presenting yourself online in your lesbian profiles on dating platforms is also a subtle art. You want to stand out but not seem weird, share about yourself without becoming too autobiographical, entice people to find out more but not leave out what’s important. It’s a balancing act.

Making the first move on dates

Expressing interest, asking for the first date and, later, initiating physical intimacy can be nerve-wracking.

However, a UC San Diego survey found that lesbians have the best courtship skills.1 So you’re starting on a sound footing for a good response.

But this also means you have to be bold and willing to put yourself out there when you’re interested in someone. Remember, gender roles don’t apply so it’s up to one of you to take the leap.

Taking your first step in your gay online dating journey

If you’ve wondered why is lesbian dating so hard, dating culture often isn’t helping. Some apps have choice overload, shallow formulaic exchanges and an increasingly disposable perspective of dating.

But an important piece of lesbian dating advice is to resist this cynical outlook and try to have genuine and meaningful interactions in online dating, for your own sense of fulfillment.

If you’re playing for keeps, focus more on personal compatibility than superficial attraction. 

Getting through first dates

Whoever compared first dates to job interviews either dated way too much or too little. So while it’s sweet to fret over lesbian date ideas and impressing them, try to focus more on being present.

People don’t date only for lesbian relationship litmus tests. Many lesbians want to go on dates with people who entertain them, perplex them, thrill them, frustrate them, make them laugh. It’s a social experience too.

Some good lesbian dating advice is to leave them wanting more, not everything. People don’t generally expect the full package from the very first date.

A lesbian relationship: from first dates to the love of your life

Many common dating pitfalls come after the first date. Here are some simple pieces of lesbian dating advice to guide you.

  • Try to avoid oversharing early on as this can be seen as inappropriate, needy and somewhat narcissistic, if it happens often
  • Playing hard to get can be appealing in measured doses, but overdo it and you may end up convincing them you aren’t interested
  • Navigate intimacy at your own pace. While lesbian dating is known to often be commitment-centric and emotionally intense, it’s also important to protect your own emotions in case things don’t work out

In general, though, it’s always a good idea to be on the lookout for your personal red flags and warning signals.

Fit lesbian dating advice to your own personal dating story

Remember dating is also about connecting with people and creating new experiences, so try not to take it too seriously or be easily disheartened by fizzled-out connections. It’s dating. This is meant to be the frivolous and fun part.

So, as a last piece of lesbian dating advice, get out there with confidence and go after what you’re looking for in your lesbian dating experience. And take risks with people. The worst thing that can happen is she says no, which pales in comparison to the possibilities of her not.

For a different online dating experience that puts your personality first, try eharmony. We’ve been putting relationship-seeking of all types together for over 20 years using a psychology-based approach to compatibility and a platform that shares valuable insights on your potential connections to other members. Join for free today and try it out.

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