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Using eHarmony: 5 Must Read Tips

by Eharmony Editorial Team - April 27, 2021

Like anything worth attaining in life, finding your soul mate requires patience, perseverance, resilience, and is best achieved when approached with a positive attitude.

It may be trite to say it, but it really is true: Your success is our success! Our goal is to help each and every member find that special someone, and, while we are unable to guarantee every member’s success, our Matching System and service has resulted in 236 eHarmony members getting married every day on average — not to mention all the couples currently involved in successful, committed relationships!

Like anything worth attaining in life, finding your soul mate requires patience, perseverance, resilience, and is best achieved when approached with a positive attitude.

As a Customer Care agent, I had the pleasure of speaking to thousands of eHarmony members and reviewing just as many member profiles. Like I said earlier, “Your success is our success!” Based on this experience, here are 5 tips I feel can maximize your chances of having a successful and positive eHarmony experience.

1. Be Open to the Possibilities!
No one KNOWS who or where your special someone is!
For instance, you may be a very active person and think it is best to be matched with someone younger than you and set your age preference accordingly. However this limited range may prevent you from being matched with someone just like you who is vital, energetic and a great match!

Or take distance … it is true that developing a relationship with someone is less complicated if the two of you live close by one another. But it is also true that, when two people know in their heart of hearts that they are meant for one another, they can work together to overcome these complications and eventually be together. And don’t think that many of our successful, long-distance couples aren’t just as surprised as anyone that they are now together!

My feeling is — isn’t it better to receive a match who is outside a usual preference but may have the potential to be The One? If you aren’t interested, close the match. If you are, then you have the opportunity to be “open to the possibilities!”

Of course, we absolutely do not want you to compromise any highly important values or preferences. That being said, I encourage you to be as open as possible with your Match Settings and/or take advantage of Flexible Matching by setting your “How Important is this Preference” rating to a 6 or below.

2. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!
There is no secret as to why someone is an eHarmony member! So when you receive a match, take a look at the About Me page and photos, if any. If there isn’t anything that absolutely, without a doubt lets you know that a match has no potential to be your life partner, send the first set of questions. The About Me page and photos are meant as an introduction and, until you begin communicating with a match, you really can’t know whether they have potential to be that special match or not.

Also, for those who are uncomfortable initiating communication, keep in mind that all you are doing is letting your match know you are interested. Not only does waiting for your matches to initiate communication not allow you to make the most of your subscription time, but if you are really interested in a match, initiating communication helps you to get their attention before someone else gets a chance!

Remember there is a reason you received each and every match and many successful members have been surprised by who they discovered was their special someone!

3. Don’t Close Matches Too Soon!
One of the things returning members have shared with me on several occasions is that they wished they hadn’t closed matches so soon the first time they used our service. There are many legitimate reasons why a match may not respond as quickly as you may wish. Our rule of thumb is to give a match a week to respond, send a nudge, then wait another week before considering closing communication.

Also, while we suggest you communicate with most if not all of your matches, if you are hesitant to communicate with a match because they haven’t completed their About Me page or posted photos, send a photo nudge if appropriate and, again, give them 2 weeks to update their profile. New members sometimes need a little time to create their About Me page and/or get photos posted and a little patience can pay off in the long run!

However, if you do decide not to communicate with a match, please close communication. I have seen countless profiles where a member has chosen not to communicate, yet left page after page of matches open! Closing matches is part of the process; so please be courteous to one another and don’t leave your matches hanging.

4. Stay Positive.
Finding someone to spend the rest of your life with is a very important endeavor and one which requires patience and resilience. Being closed by a match, getting no response to a communication request, or having a match suddenly disappear on you can engender feelings of rejection and disappointment. Though it is understandable to view these as negative experiences, I encourage you to see them as being positive!

After all, what your match’s behavior means is that they are not the right one for YOU! Sometimes it can take weeks for a match to reveal this, but once they do, it frees you up to focus your time and energies communicating with members who still have potential!

Also, it is understandable that, when you are feeling negative about some aspect of your search, you may want to commiserate with others having a similar experience. While it can be good to get these feelings off your chest, my feeling is that “success is what breeds success.” So you can continue your search with a positive attitude and energy, I encourage you to take a look at our Success Stories page and read what these members share about their experience. Not only will their stories inspire you, but, on a practical level, you may learn something from their experiences which will help enhance your chances for success.

Also, we have a Success Stories forum here on Advice, where you can solicit successful members for their suggestions/advice, and, of course, our Customer Care team is always available to provide suggestions and lend support whenever needed.

5. Remember you are looking for The One!
Even after you have done all you can to create a dynamic, engaging About Me page and posted 12 photos which highlight your personality and lifestyle, you may still wish more matches would communicate with you.

Like I mentioned in Tip 2, if a match doesn’t communicate, that simply means they aren’t The One. But, rest assured, when The One comes along, they WILL communicate with you! We have had successful members share that they found someone special on our site even though they communicated with just a few members. So even if the previous matches didn’t work out for whatever reason, each new match is a unique person and may be The One!

I hope that you find these tips helpful and that they encourage you to be open to the possibilities, take charge of your eHarmony experience, and be patient. Lastly, though it may not always be easy, I encourage you to enjoy your search and approach it with a positive attitude. Remember we would love for you to find that special someone; so don’t hesitate to reach out to us whenever you have questions or need support.


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