How to Date Older Men? Tips for Dating an Aged Man

by eharmony Editorial Team September 29, 2025

CA

• US
• UK
• AU

You often hear the phrase, age is nothing but a number. A sort of catch-all idiom in dating. But for singles interested in relationships with older guys, it’s often the exact qualities that are associated with age that they want in their dating life. So we prefer the term, age isn’t a limitation.

Because older men do approach dating and intimacy differently from younger men. They tend to know what they want and behave more maturely in relationships, preferring to create unique new experiences with someone. However, single women who are looking for this should know it involves more than simply figuring out how to find an older man. You should emotionally prepare yourself for a somewhat different dating experience by pacing it out, letting go of certain unrealistic expectations and learning how to productively talk through age gap dynamics with dates.

There are certain inherent challenges like agreeing on relationship goals, overcoming generational gaps and matching up your energy level. But you also get to benefit from their greater life experience, maturity, stability and that natural confidence that comes from understanding and being at ease with oneself.  

If that sounds like what you’re looking for, you could definitely benefit from these tips for dating an older man and what relationship aspects to prepare yourself for.    

Essential Tips for Dating Older Men

Embrace emotional maturity

Maturity is an often overlooked but crucial trait in a healthy relationship and a quality older guys tend to naturally bring to the situation. In dating, it helps us be more effective at regulating our emotions, being openly vulnerable and communicating our feelings to people in a way that’s productive instead of conflict-driven. 

Emotionally mature men tend to prefer maturity in their partners, so it’s a skill you will need to focus on. You can work on it by being more direct in communications, setting more rigid boundaries in relationships and being willing to own your mistakes and learn from them.   

Be honest about your intentions

You’re free to approach dating in whatever way works for you and your priorities right now, as long as you’re not hurting anyone. You just need to be upfront about your intentions with the older guys you date to make sure you’re on the same page and that you’re not misleading them simply for the sake of short-term relationship harmony or because you’re hoping they’ll just come around with time.   

Embrace the fact that these intentions will scare off some older men. Look at it as a passive filter, weeding out unsuitable partners.

Respect his life experience

People often see older singles as coming with a lot of baggage. But by learning to separate emotional baggage – which weighs us down – from life experience – which shapes us – you can identify older men who healthily process their past to foster stronger, more enriching relationships in the present.

This doesn’t mean he’ll always know best, just that you should appreciate the perspective his life experiences afford him. You can express this by letting an older man take the lead in certain situations, asking him more about his past and by communicating more openly when your views differ.    

Stay independent and confident

Confidence and independence are consistently attractive traits in dating¹ , particularly with older guys, who tend to appreciate the space women occupy in a relationship as well as having a satisfying life outside of it. Confidence isn’t about saying, “Look at me, I’m amazing!” but about understanding your worth, being at ease with others and being bold enough to be strong and authentic around an older man.

Similarly, independence isn’t just about your ability to exist happily and productively on your own but also about taking the lead in certain aspects of the relationship and being comfortable with guiding him at times.  

Communicate with clarity and respect

It’s a basic fact that older couples who talk to each other and share their feelings in a clear and respectful manner simply are happier. Various studies have shown that strong communication is the single biggest determining factor of long-term satisfaction²

Older men tend to be more aware of this due to experience from past relationships and will be less resistant to establishing the components of a healthy communication style, even if some of them are novel, like checking in over text, being vulnerable, discussing relationship issues and practicing active listening.  

Adapt to his pace and lifestyle

Older men often live life a little more slowly than when they were in their 20s, something you’ll generally see reflected in their lifestyle. For instance, they tend to date less actively but more purposefully – preferring more distinct experiences over quick weekday dates.

While it’s important to feel like there’s compromise from his side, it’s never a good idea to rush someone in a relationship. Try being flexible by also adapting to the older guy’s dating pace and looking for aspects of your lifestyle that intersect. You may discover new things you enjoy and that this style of dating suits you too.  

Be open to learning from him

Older guys often have experienced a few very long-term relationships and understand what works for couples over the years, like healthy boundaries and how to solve conflicts productively. Being open to his experiences can not only help sharpen your dating skills but also shows that you value his deeper perspective on certain things.

But it’s also important to distinguish healthy learning from the toxic patterns. If his approach doesn’t make you feel good and diminishes you in any way, then there are moments where he can learn from you.    

Appreciate his stability and wisdom

If you’re interested in dating older guys, then you’re likely already attracted to the fact that they can be a bit wiser about things and more stable in their lifestyle. They’ve often already invested in property, can have better control over their finances and the benefit of learning from more mistakes along the way.

These are qualities that can enrich your relationship and open you up to new ways of dating that you may never have considered before. It also shows him that you appreciate what distinct qualities he brings to the relationship beyond youth.

Maintain mutual respect

Mutual respect is about seeing each other as equals in the relationshipwith older men. It’s been shown that greater equality in a relationship is essential for long-term happiness and mutual respect. Studies call this equity theory³

There may be imbalances between your experiences or finances, but this should never translate to a lack of respect. Equity theory suggests that even if one partner has more resources, the other partner can still equal this value by putting more effort into emotionally rewarding generosity and focusing on improving other aspects of the relationship. 

Put thought into date planning

If the older man you’re dating has less time or energy to date, you can both make up for it by organizing fuller, more unique experiences to share and bond over. Having different obligations and routines can be one of the pitfalls of age gap relationships, which just means planning dates more thoughtfully.

So instead of going to Saturday brunch, try planning something you both haven’t tried before, like indoor skydiving, or a multi-stage date, where you make a whole day of exploring different activities.

Why are women attracted to older men?

On a social level, younger women are attracted to an older guy’s maturity. Women in general are attracted to men who are older than them and men, conversely, prefer younger women⁴. This attraction may be a result of compatible biology, as studies have shown that women experience vital brain development at a younger age and mentally mature at a different rate from men⁵ . 

In terms of more conscious traits, younger women often are attracted to how older men offer security, are more self-assured, comfortable in their lifestyle and less wishy-washy about commitment and affection than many younger men.   

What do older men look for in a partner?

Older guys like the same things from their partner as younger men but also tend to focus on intelligence and emotional maturity. A University of Wuppertal study confirmed that men’s dating criteria were narrow and flexible, prioritizing people they’re physically attracted to, who are creative and good domestic partners⁶.

But this is very generalized. Survey studies are designed to look at a generic cross-section of the population. If you’re looking for the right types of older single men, you’ll find they appreciate a broader range of traits, like empathy, humour, shared values, being fun and easy going to be around, independence, self-confidence and holding your own separate ambitions.   

Can a relationship with an older man work long term?

Relationship success largly depends on the individuals, so anything is possible. Studies have shown that age gaps that are greater than 3 years experience certain growing pains and relationship hurdles⁷. However, ones that were more than 10 years will experience higher relationship satisfaction in the short term but find it steeply declines after 6-10 years⁸.  

The reason for this was that these couples tended to be less resilient to big shocks in the relationship, like health scares and financial troubles. This may leave you wondering, why date an older man to begin with?

Because it’s who you’re naturally attracted to. And you can build resilience in your dynamic as you meet older men through good communication. Show them that you see them as more than a set of qualities so that when either of you falls short, they feel more comfortable sharing with you and finding a solution together.

Start senior dating with eharmony

Explore the vibrant world of senior dating on our site. Connect with singles and make authentic connections today!

Learn more about senior dating with eharmony

Dating Older Men: Practical Advice Every Woman Should Know

How to tell an older man you’re interested in him?

Some older guys can be more nervous about asking a younger woman out, fearing rejection. So, you may need to put more effort into showing him that the attraction is mutual.

• Use non-verbal cues to signal your interest by looking at him semi-frequently, opening your posture in his direction and maintaining eye contact when he talks to you.
• Curiosity telegraphs interest. Be inquisitive about his life, interests and thoughts on things.
• Initiate the odd text just to check in with him or have a quick exchange to let him know you want to interact with him more.
• Try a small but thoughtful gesture like buying him a coffee or a pastry before you see him.   

How to attract older men?

Beyond the obvious superficial reasons, older guys like women because they’re more spontaneous, caring and excited  about dating. Here’s how to find older men and catch their attention.

• An older man still appreciates maturity. Make sure to be confident in conversation.
• Older singles have less patience for games, like playing him hot and cold. Try to be as straightforward and consistent with him as possible.
• Be patient with him. Older guys can be less impulsive, so it may take a few attempts before he gets the message.
• Don’t share too much with him or initiate every interaction. Leave room for curiosity.

How to flirt with older guys?

• Compliments can be a flirty way to show singles that you see them, without being too direct.
• Try to be playful in conversation to put him at ease and encourage him to open up.
• Smiling and laughing during conversation is a great way to show you’re engaged and interested in them. 
• Address the age gap with older men when it comes up but treat it casually. Don’t let it become a conversational focal point. 

There is also bad flirting. A study found the 3 worst flirting approaches were being too aggressive or inappropriate, not showing exclusive interest in dating them and poor hygiene⁹.

How to tell if an older guy likes you?

Older men tend to be more mature and subtle about conveying their emotions, which can make reading them more challenging. Here’s what to look out for.

• He finds excuses to reach out to you. 
• He suddenly takes a marked interest in your interests.
• His friends know about you.
• He remembers even the small details you tell him about your life.
• He gets noticeably more nervous or flustered when he talks to you.
• He starts interacting with your socials more by liking photos and leaving comments. 

How to ask an older man out?

• Test the waters gently by asking him if he’d like to go check out a new cafe or restaurant with you over the weekend.
• Use a shared interest as an excuse to meet up, like a local cultural festival or special event.
• As older guys struggle with being direct, you can pleasantly surprise them by being direct instead. Send him a simple text saying, “I’d really like to hang out with you some time.”
• Use opportunities that come up in conversation. For example, if he says he’s always wanted to try an activity, suggest exploring it together over the coming weekend.  

Common Challenges of Dating Older Men (and How to Handle Them)

Where to meet older men on a date?

If you’re trying to figure out where to take an older man out to a place he’d enjoy, we have a few date ideas. 

• Picnic in the park – A relaxed and casual option that gives you both scenic views and interesting finger foods to occupy you during lulls in the conversation.
• Attend an outdoor concert – See if you like the same bands to watch a gig and explore together. 
• Explore your city – Take turns showing each other your favourite locations and establishments in the city to get hints on your compatibility.

What to Consider Before Dating an Older Man

Before committing to the idea of dating older guys, you should consider the possible obstacles that come along with it.

• Contrasting life stages – You may want different things from life right now. Communicate and figure out if these differences are going to be a problem in a long-term relationship early on to avoid this clash in values.
• Balancing power – Older men may know what they want but that doesn’t mean they should always take charge. Age-gap relationships have natural power imbalances, so you need to make sure your relationship is equitable.
• Social perceptions – Sometimes, your friends and family will have difficulty accepting your age gap. Try to give them time and opportunities to see that your relationship is healthy and enriching.

When to walk away when dating an older man?

There are red flags in people dating in their 60s that may not be directly toxic but do gradually erode the relationship. Like when older men have a lot of emotional baggage, it can be a sign that they aren’t ready to move forward with another relationship.

Other ones to look out for include focusing on your youth too much, emotional unavailability, refusing to take responsibility for conflicts and rushing into the relationship.

What is the best way to date a senior or older man?

The most effective way to date older men and create joy in the relationship is by focusing on your own dating mindset and aspects of the relationship rather than trying to change or adapt your partner, which creates conflict.

These were the findings of a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal, which measured the influence of the Big Five personality traits (openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism) on relationship satisfaction. It also found that of the Big Five, increased conscientiousness – being thoughtful, respectful, appreciative, empathetic communication and goal-oriented conflict – and reduced neuroticism – being emotionally stable, mature and dealing well with relationship stress – were the strongest predictors of happiness in a relationship¹⁰.

In terms of tips for dating an older man and specifically what to avoid, this can include focusing on the age gap, coming to the relationship with too many expectations and ignoring your gut feeling about someone.

What are the best activities to meet older men?

If you’re struggling with places to meet older men who suit your tastes and lifestyle, try exploring a few of these options.

• Join a club – Regardless of your passions, there’s a club for it somewhere. Whether it’s a certain sport, watching films, wine tasting or adventure club, these organizations tend to attract singles of all ages who are trying to connect over interests.  
• Take a class – From workshops to short courses, it’s always a good time to pick up a new skill in a friendly and dynamic group environment that encourages getting to know your fellow learners.
• Take in a game – Sports matches and sports bars tend to pull in older guys from all the greater community in an upbeat, energetic atmosphere. 
• Walk your dog – It’s great to meet older men in parks or other outdoor areas when you’re walking your dog or just getting some fresh air.

How to date an older man online?

• Make sure your profile suggests the fact that you’re looking for more mature men.
• Be cautious when dating a senior online, as they can misrepresent themselves sometimes.
• Research apps and sites that are popular with older guys and make sure their services match your dating goals.
• Try to convey maturity on your profile in both your pictures and the details you include to attract older, more emotionally developed men. 
• Don’t spread your net too widely or it’ll affect the quality of your dates. Try to limit your focus to just a few guys at a time. Ones who really seem to fit your dating criteria.

Our general advice is that you should move from connecting on dating sites to meeting in person as soon as you feel a distinct connection, particularly when dating older men who tend to be less savvy with online dating culture and better in person. This way, you can establish if there’s viable chemistry between you two before getting emotionally involved. And if the date isn’t going great, you can always leave early.

Q&A – Expert backed answers to your questions