Ways You Might Be Sabotaging Your Relationship – And How to Fix It

are you sabotaging your relationship?

It’s widely accepted that long lasting, happy relationships don’t just fall into your lap — you’ve got to put a little legwork into it. And if you want to get a leg up on maintaining a healthy, committed relationship it might be worthwhile to remember that all the small stuff in a relationship is a big deal and could be the major reason why a relationship goes sour.

That’s right. The number one killer to a relationship is overlooking or neglecting the small stuff. Every couple should start taking the under-discussed stuff to heart because at the end of the day being more aware of your relationship leads to less opportunities for conflict.

Dismissing pet peeves: A lot of couples sweep the little things under the rug because it seems like the easier way to deal with it. Maybe he smacks when he eats, or perhaps she chews her fingernails. Whatever it may be it will eventually reach a boiling point if it bothers you even slightly.

Solution: Couples should sweat the small stuff in order to be happy, especially if the plan to live together for the long haul, so bring up the annoyance in a very sensitive, tactful way that comes from a loving place. Avoid using words like “never” and “always.” Be sure to pick the right time and place to discuss it too — during an argument might not be the best time to share the information.

Skipping me time: Just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you don’t need your alone time. Finding that space and time apart allows you to recharge, process things, and pursue your interests and hobbies. You’re basically putting yourself in a more resourceful state the next time you’re with your partner, not to mention you’ll likely have new topics to share and discuss.

Solution: Talk to your partner about the benefits of ‘me-time’ and reiterate that you still want couple time. Be completely transparent and share some of the fun or funny things that happened during your ‘me-time’.

Not being as touchy feely: Sometimes couples make the mistake of only showing how they feel on special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. But everyone loves to be touched, held, and told that they are just amazing people.

Solution: Do or say something often that shows your partner he or she is valued and noticed. Maybe it’s a random bouquet of flowers, a home cooked meal, or just a thoughtful compliment — it’s the thought that counts.