Worried that you’re just being neurotic again? Here are some dating red flags that you should not ignore.
1. Your date is very recently single.
She’s obsessed with her ex. He can’t stop comparing you to his old girlfriend. You feel like you might be a rebound. If you get the sense that your date isn’t ready to be dating again, you’re probably right.
2. You suspect drug or alcohol abuse.
If your date shows up drunk, admits to a substance abuse problem, or has recently been to rehab, be careful. Addiction should not be taken lightly. Your date needs professional help or accountability, not a significant other.
3. Major money problems.
If your date has a job but can’t cover dinner, raise that red flag. Incompatible approaches and attitudes toward finances are a top reason for divorce. No, you’re heading down the aisle anytime soon, but if you can’t see eye-to-eye on money issues now, your future together might be doomed.
4. Spiritual incompatibility.
You go to church every Sunday, and he only goes for weddings and funerals. It might not seem like a big deal now, but eventually personal priorities will win out — or you’ll start resenting your partner for pulling you away from the faith you once valued. If faith, religion or spirituality is a big deal to you, make it known early on. If your date can’t get on board, hold out for someone who is more compatible with you in this area.
5. Emotional instability.
Pay attention to emotional instability and poor mental health. Does your date act impulsively, acting and speaking before they think? Does he behave in unpredictable ways? Does she expect you to meet all of her emotional needs?
For a relationship to be healthy, it requires two partners who valuing pursuing their own good mental health. If your date is unwilling to seek help or be vulnerable, you’re fighting an uphill relationship battle.
6. Manipulative or controlling behavior.
If you sense that your date is controlling — whether through self-pity, confrontation, guilt trips or assumptive statements — watch out. In fact, any signs pointing to any abusive behavior should be taken very seriously.
7. Your date is secretive.
Maybe your date doesn’t want to be seen in public with you. Maybe she only gives you coy answers and refuses to share anything of substance about herself. Maybe he won’t tell you if he’s seeing other people or not. While it’s expected that you won’t share all the dirty details of your lives in the early stages of a relationship, it’s okay to feel uncomfortable with these forms of secrecy.
For a relationship to become a healthy one, both partners need to be relatively open with each other.
8. He/she is not interested in monogamy or exclusiveness.
Find someone who wants you — and only you.