Ladies: Are You Coming Across as Needy…or Confident?

I know many confident women who lose all of their good senses around men they are interested in. I love this guest blog from YourTango relationship expert Lorna Poole, who reminds all the amazing single ladies out there about maintaining their pride, self-respect and confidence!

Trust me, you need to read this article. Why? Because I was that needy girl. Fine on the first date, content if I was not that into him, but as soon as I liked him I fell apart. I did not know what to say, how to behave and bit by bit that gorgeous guy smiling across from me would disappear.

To make matters worse, the more I would not hear from him, the more I would blow up his phone asking him where he was, what he was doing, when he wanted to meet. I know I am not the only one who does this, so if I am talking to you, my hope is that this article can give you some insight.

Are You Too Agreeable?

When we really like someone, we want them to like us back. We become vulnerable and become ultra-agreeable with that person. He likes football, but you absolutely hate it. Three dates later you are hanging on his every word and you agree to go to a football match with him. Now, at the game you are the most miserable person there.

The smart, confident woman he asked out has now turned into the worst company he has ever experienced and your handsome man has disappeared. He has sensed your need to be agreeable and his attraction level plummeted. Men like women who have their own opinions, interests, and hobbies. This leads me to the next point…

Do You Drop Everything For a Man?

It’s Friday night and you have agreed to have a wine and cheese night in with your girlfriends and you told your mother you would call at 7 p.m. Brad calls at 6:50 p.m. asking you out at 7:30 p.m. A little short notice, but you forgive him anyway. You laugh at his jokes, listen to all his excuses as to why he could not call you earlier in the week and then you agree that you will be ready to meet him at the local bar.

On your way there, you text your mum saying you can’t make the call tonight and you send a mass text to your friends that this great guy wants to see you and the only night he is free is tonight. Are you coming across as needy? I think so! And now, because of your neediness, his respect and attraction for you has plummeted. Ouch!

The Follow-up Phase

The most important part of dating is his ability to follow-up in between dates. Your job is to sit on your fingers while he is thinking sweet thoughts about what a great time he had with that confident brunette until he calls back. That means you! You don’t need to play games, you don’t need to hint to him that it has been four days since you spoke, and you don’t need to remind him it has been a week since you last saw each other.

Men do what they want and if he wants you, he will make the effort. All you have to do is mirror his actions by answering the phone when he calls as your happy, positive self. Men like to win you over. Needy girls put words in his mouth, stalk his Facebook page, and are jealous of every girl he mentions. Sit back, relax, and let that boy work for you. You will be gracefully rewarded.

Futuristic Thinking

One of the most common mistakes women make in the early stages of dating is putting the cart before the horse. You see, men are a little slower in knowing what exactly they want and need time to figure it all out. Yes, I know it is frustrating, but please believe me, you will be vastly rewarded if you choose to live in the present moment instead of the future.

Show him your fun, light-hearted self. Dating is the selling and buying stage. This is you at your best or your worst. A confident girl is at her best, a needy girl is at her worst. So, let go of the need to plan the future. If you feel yourself going into need mode — pull out your nail file and relax. No future thinking!

A Juicy Tip:

Every time you feel the need to be needy, ask yourself this one question: What would a confident girl do in this situation? Extract your emotions from the situation and ask yourself: Is this man of good character and a good fit for me? Am I coming from a place of neediness or confidence? If I were you, I would choose the latter.