Why Women Love Jerks, & Why You Should Be a Nice Guy Anyway
Do women truly prefer jerks — men who treat them poorly, who act like they could take ‘em or leave‘em, or who actually do take them…then leave them? It’s a question you’ve probably asked yourself countless times: Why do girls like rude boys? And maybe an answer you can’t formulate on why jerks get women.
These Google searches are plenty – as are ‘quotes about boys being jerks’ – when your best gal friend is going through yet another break up. We all know women who can’t seem to get excited about anyone but a jerk. So yes, it’s true: Some women want jerks. The bigger question is why. Here’s a look into why jerks get women – but why you should still be a kind person, anyway:
Think back to your high school days. Now shudder. Now remember the guy who got all the girls. Yeah, him. We bet he was a jerk. On personality inventories, jerks aren’t sociopaths — they’re just really disagreeable, per scientific studies on personality. If you want to test your own personality traits, you can look here before continuing.
Back then, high school rewarded jerkiness. Abundant science plus your own experience back this up: Nice women dig status. In high school, status comes from having the quickest wit or the most athletic prowess, or both. All humor is pain redefined. This is why jerks get women: The funniest guy in high school is typically hilarious at others’ expense. And jocks are not always known for throwing their weight around in the kindest possible ways.
The reason nice women love status boils down to an innate desire: In study after study, it’s associated with a man’s ability to provide and protect. Just as the toughest jock would have made a great protector in the ancient past—where all human mating psychology comes from—women today are drawn to whoever gets them and their kids/genes to survive. In today’s terms, that means money.
Why do girls like rude guys? More likely than not, they have money. Across a series of studies, the ‘jerk perk’ is worth about $10k a year on average, or 18 percent more than more agreeable male peers. They aren’t better employees, but they have no hesitations about putting themselves or their interests forward. And that leads to ka-ching.
When you look for quotes about boys being jerks, they likely revolve around some sort of disappointment or hurt thanks to sex. There’s an industry directed at teaching men to be rude—to alternately fake long-term interest, feign indifference, and/or pretend they’ve got more money (or degrees, cars, houses) than they really do. There’s probably something to this; in studies, some nice women admit that when they have casual sex, they maintain high standards for a guy’s high resources. A cocky attitude may in itself tell a woman a guy has the goods, and lying can cover the rest. You might be confused on why do girls like rude guys – but it’s mostly because of their confidence and what they exude. Your job is to be better – and attract a better version of the same nice women.
Jerks probably do get women more easily in casual sex scenarios. But they don’t get or stay married more easily; they aren’t loved more, or longer. Factually, their lives and loves are crappier—not happier. And studies show that very few men want to play the field all their lives; men and women alike want lasting, true love.
But jerks often lack what it takes to sustain that. In numerous studies, jerks are, by their own admission, less relationship-oriented, friendly, forgiving, trusting, helpful, warm, caring, cooperative, and sympathetic than non-jerks—precisely the opposite of the kind, loving, loyal heart women in 37 cultures and countries say they absolutely require in a mate. Jerks are less well-liked, they have more stress, and they have less happy lives. Basically, they have a little more money, and that’s it. Why jerks get women – they don’t keep them. Here’s how you do:
Put yourself first.
Easier said than done, right? But there’s no escaping it. Until a man feels fulfilled in his own life, there’s no way he can connect in a meaningful way with nice women. However, once he does feel more fulfilled, the qualities of ‘cool’ that create connections with women begin to flow from him almost automatically.
Suddenly he stops acting defensive and goal-tending against perceived threats and challenges. He’s comfortable in his own skin, and it’s reflected in everything from his personal style to his body language. He projects ‘easy-going’ and ‘casual’ instead of ‘tense’ or ‘posed.’ Why do girls like rude guys? They seem effortlessly put together. You might have to work harder to get there, but at least when you do, it’ll be genuine.
So take a look at your life…what would it take to make you feel more fulfilled? Accomplishing a neglected goal? A career change? A new place to live? Better health and fitness? Whatever it is, get going.
Focus on inner strength.
The kind of strength we’re talking about, is the kind that translates into ‘cool’ is the kind a man uses to project personal confidence, control, and leadership. It means being unaffected by the opinions of others. Why jerks get women is because they’re super attuned to their abilities and believe in them, without getting flustered. Seeing situations for what they really are (without bias, bitterness or paranoia) so you can take mature, decisive action. It means having the strength to do your own thing while encouraging others to do theirs.
So…how do you “pump up” your inner strength?
Like any muscle, use it. Start taking action to get where you want to go in life instead of just sitting on the sidelines, worrying, rethinking and second-guessing everything. Do just this much, and you’ll be amazed how easily you start connecting emotionally with everyone around you…including nice women.
Show you care in the right way.
Too many guys think that if they woke up one morning looking like Brad Pitt and having all his money, suddenly they’d have no problem acting like a cool guy. These guys couldn’t be more wrong. Why do girls like rude guys is because they don’t cling, get needy or complain overtly. It sometimes translates into caring, but it isn’t sincere. You, on the other hand, can be true. The true currency of ‘cool’ is something else entirely. It’s learning how to care about another person…and show it in the right way. If you’re thinking about a woman you care about when she’s not around, make sure to tell her. Communicate in specifics about how she makes you feel. If your caring is real, you’ll never come across as more ‘cool’ than when you share these feelings with her.