A man and woman cuddling underneath a blanket together

What an Emotionally Mature Man Looks Like

by Eharmony Editorial Team - March 2, 2009

Trying to build a relationship with an emotionally immature guy is like trying to build a house out of cards. Read on for the 5 telltale signs of an emotionally mature man. Brought to you by Christian Carter

Have you ever dated a great guy who seems like he’s got “it all together,” only to find out weeks or months later that he’s really more of a boy than a man? If so, you know trying to build a relationship with an emotionally immature guy is like trying to build a house out of cards. Having a fulfilling, honest, loving long-term relationship is hard enough with two grown-ups. If one partner isn’t capable of really showing up, it won’t work

Wouldn’t it be great if you could identify the guys who were mature enough to be a good partner before wasting a bunch of time and getting physically and emotionally involved? So let me ask you. Do you know what an emotionally mature man look like? How does he act? How does he respond to conflict?

Here are 5 telltale signs of an emotionally mature man.

1) He’s Decisive

Have you met guys who just can’t seem to make a decision? They waffle, they stress, they can’t seem to make up their minds. The emotionally mature guy has no problems making decisions about life, relationships and commitments without wavering or stressing out. He’s clear about wanting to be with you and he’s clear about what he wants with a woman and in a relationship. He doesn’t go “hot and cold.”

2) He Takes Responsibility

If you hear a man complaining about things in his life, blaming others and generally experiencing a lack of control, he’s not just unlucky, he’s lacking maturity. The mature man is nobody’s victim. He takes responsibility for his actions. You’ll rarely see him whine, and he doesn’t blame others when things go wrong. Instead he’s in service to making things right.

3) He Has a Higher Purpose

You know those guys who are absolutely passionate about their work or their cause? This is a sign that they’re more emotionally mature than the guys whose lives revolve solely around themselves. The mature man has a purpose in life greater than himself. If you see that a man is committed to a larger purpose, it’s a safe bet that he’s done “the work.”

4) He Has Close Relationships

The best true signal of how a man will handle his relationship with you is how he relates to others he’s closest to. Look at his relationships. What are his friendships like? Sure he has “buddies,” but does he have intimate friendships? The mature man is comfortable being truly close and open with others in his life.

5) He’s Capable of Expressing Himself
A mature man doesn’t just stuff his feelings down inside. He doesn’t always come right out and say it, but he can explain his feelings, his choices, and his likes and dislikes. If he can’t express what he’s thinking, or gets frustrated, irritated, or mad at you for wanting to communicate and share feelings, then you’re dealing with an emotionally immature man.

The mature man can express what’s going on in his heart and mind without outbursts or withdrawal. If you seem to attract emotionally immature guys, pay attention to the signs of a mature man so you can avoid repeating the pattern.

When you get involved with an immature guy, and try to deal with and make things work with him, your life will get messy and you’ll start acting immature as well. Immaturity is contagious. If you pay attention, you will quickly and easily begin to see the signs of emotional maturity (and also the LACK of those signs) so you can make the best possible choice for yourself.

You deserve a fulfilling, long-lasting relationship with a man who’s ready and willing to do his part in creating a great relationship. He should be able to “show up” with you.

I’ve helped thousands of women – single and in relationships – understand how to identify the RIGHT man and grow a relationship into a loving and lasting love affair.

I’ll talk with you again soon, and Best of luck in Life and in Love.

Your Friend,
Christian Carter
Author, Catch Him & Keep Him