What happens when you meet someone you think is HOT, but they don’t stimulate you intellectually? What about the reverse? Which is more important – intellectual or physical attraction when you’re dating? Well, it’s not an easy answer.
It depends on what the individual is looking for and what their values are. In the ideal world, you would meet and date someone who rocks your world both intellectually and physically, but that’s not always the case.
Which is More Important – Intellectual or Physical Attraction?
While some people really need an intelligent partner, others really don’t. Some people prefer to have that physical “vava voom” from their partner and having arm candy versus having intellectual stimulation. Then there are those who really need that partner who will debate with them, or contribute to intellectual conversations about whatever they are interested in. These people prefer someone educated and well read. For them, the intellectual attraction plays a significant role in being attracted to their partner. We’re all attracted to different things — it’s just personal preference really! However, when something is heavily one-sided, it might get boring after a while.
People look for different things depending on the types of relationships or encounters they want. For example, if they were looking for some fun and not a relationship, they don’t typically care about the intellectual part because it is going to be a short term fling. However, when looking for a partner with long term potential, most people need a balance of intellectual and physical attraction in order to connect with someone because it’s a more well-rounded relationship. If you’re not fulfilled in all aspects, then you are more likely to get bored.
What Is Attraction Really?
Attraction is many things, but it’s also very unique to each individual. It’s comprised of both a physical and emotional connection, in addition to an intellectual one. In order to be attracted to someone in any way, there has to be something there that keeps you wanting more. You need to connect with them at some level. They have to meet some need, whatever that is at the time. There must be positive interaction of some sort. You two just click. Also, the more positive interactions we have with people, the more attractive they become. So that not-so-hot person you met that rocks your intellectual boat will start looking more and more attractive over time. The interaction makes you feel more connected with them which changes the overall dynamic of your communications.
I always encourage people to not settle for anything but the package they are looking for, the one that will fulfill them but, to always give people chances, especially if you’re not as physically attracted to them but you love spending time with them. Different people want different things in a partner, so when you meet someone you like, you need to ask yourself, does this person meet my needs? Do they stimulate me physically, intellectually and emotionally as much as I need? Do we have compatible values and goals?
Knowing your “dealmakers” and “dealbreakers” will help you determine if someone is really the right person for you in all ways. Being physically attracted to someone IS important, but don’t write someone off who you totally connect with just because they don’t look the way you always imagined you dream partner would look.
Have a dating dilemma? You can always Ask Single Dating Diva a confidential dating question on http://singledatingdiva.com.
Suzie is the founder of SingleDatingDiva.com, an award winning blog about being single, dating and relationships. The blog showcases the many adventures we have and how challenging, but also exciting dating really is because single isn’t a bad word and dating really can be fun!! With experience comes wisdom and she also shares some lessons learned along the way helping others through her consulting services. She also co-hosts the SexLoveChat Podcast and Twitter chat discussing current topics about sex and love. You can also find Suzie as a guest expert on various television and radio programs.