How to Get Him to Stop Texting and Start Talking
In her new blog, relationship coach Marni Battista tackles a subject that drives many women a little crazy. How do you get a guy to call you when all he seems to want to do is send text messages?
If you’re currently in a relationship or perhaps in the midst of dating and meeting a variety of new people, you may find yourself frustrated that your man (or the men you’re meeting) communicate primarily via text.
Well, I understand! So how can you get men to stop texting and finally get them talking?
Be honest. Tell him that although texting is obviously helpful and efficient given both of your busy schedules, you’d prefer he pick up the phone and dial so you can actually connect and converse. You can communicate this by saying something like, “I know this might be old-fashioned, but I really like when I see your number show up on my phone!”
You can, of course, let him know that a quick “thinking of you” text warms your heart and that a “I’ll be there in five minutes” text is acceptable; however, just be direct in letting him know that when it comes to substantive conversation, you prefer he pick up the phone and call.
If you aren’t feeling comfortable to communicate your talking needs…(maybe it’s still early in the relationship), you can also try things such as calling him back when he texts you or simply responding with short replies. You can also tell him it’s hard for you to text at work, which may or may not be the full truth. We recommend going the authentic and honest route, as the way in which he receives feedback is an indication of how he’ll respond to meeting your more complex needs down the road.
Once you get past the initial stages of dating, if a guy is really into you, he will call. He’s probably going to be calling more than texting because he’ll want to hear your voice…and you’ll want you to hear his, too! Make sure, however, that you don’t revert back to your high school girl expectations that he needs to spend hour after hour on the phone with you. If you need to “plug in” to recharge your cell phone and you’re still on the phone, it’s time to say goodbye. While this can be fun during the honeymoon stage, you don’t want him to start to feel that every time he talks it has to be a marathon. Ten to 20-minute conversations are a good length. Anything longer may mean that you need to start spending more real time together during the week!
Texting can be nice. Getting a good night text, a good morning text, or a funny photo is a fun way to stay in touch while you’re at work or on a trip; and as a result, limited texting is fine! Telling a guy that you literally don’t ever want him to text you is not a good idea, because sometimes it’s all we can do.
When you give him your number, make it clear that you’re receptive to him calling you. Men are just as scared of rejection as anyone, so texting is safer if he’s afraid you’ll turn him down. When he asks for your number, a simple “I’ll look forward to your call” helps boost his confidence.
Do remember that phone calls can be perceived as intrusive, so he may literally be texting you because he doesn’t want to interrupt you. If you let him know that you’re a girl who just happens to prefer a phone call to a text, see if he listens. We’re betting you two can come to some sort of a win-win compromise.
The bottom line is this: a real man who is REALLY interested in you will call you. If you’ve given hints or been open about your preference and he still won’t call, there could be a potential communication mismatch. If he’s not able to meet that basic need, I give you permission to say goodbye!
Have you run into this problem — and how did you address it?
Learn more about relationship coach Marni Battista and Dating with Dignity.