A stoic couple standing together and staring into the camera

My Friends and Family Hate My Significant Other

by Eharmony Editorial Team - September 29, 2008

You're happy with your mate, but your friends and family are less than thrilled. Should you ignore them or ditch your significant other?

What happens when you feel that you have found the right significant other and your friends and family hate him or her? Or, if hate is too strong, they thoroughly dislike him or her. Don’t pull your hair out! And, don’t let their negative opinions make you act hastily in the face of this dilemma.

The Critics may be Entirely Wrong

The naysayers certainly don’t know your boyfriend or girlfriend as well as you do. Or, they could have an agenda in mind. Perhaps they may not know you and your desires as well as they think.

1) Talk to them in an open and plain manner. Ask them what they think your boyfriend’s weaknesses are. What do they dislike or fear? In most cases, their objection to the person doesn’t deal with major issues. Generally, it is just a feeling they have about him. When you sincerely ask them to answer your questions, they will usually not be able to clearly express why they hate the person. Upon serious reflection, they might change their minds.

2) Ask them what they think would happen to you if your relationship led to marriage. This way, they may reveal an agenda that you can disregard.

3) Ask them what they think you want in a relationship. When you force them to delve into this aspect of your supposed needs, you will find out exactly what they think of you. Surprise! They may discover that you two are a good fit after all.

But…Maybe the Critics Aren’t Wrong

As the saying goes, love is blind. If they aren’t wrong, you will want to know those aspects of his character that cause such a strong reaction in your family and friends. You may be completely unaware of his or her shortcomings.

1) The days of arranged marriages and dowries have faded into history. But, twenty-first century parents still want to be involved with their kids’ life choices. They respect your independence, but they want to protect you…sometimes from yourself and your rose-colored glasses.

2) They want to know: Is your significant other good to you? Does he or she have an abusive streak? Does he or she have little respect for you and your family and friends? If the answer is yes, it would be smart to listen to the critics.

3) If, on the other hand, your parents are more concerned about your significant other’s station in life, or his future plans, you may want to let the criticism roll off your back. What counts is that you love the person and accept how he lives his life. The may not admit it, but your parents may have been in a similar position with your grandparents when they were young.

Or, your friends Might just be Jealous

Friends, especially singles, might just wish they were in your shoes, believe it or not. Perhaps they are having a hard time accepting your good fortune in contrast to their bad luck in boyfriends. So, they might try to find fault with your relationship in order to make themselves feel better.

1) Let them know that their opinions are important and you appreciate their concern.

2) Tell them your relationship might not be perfect, but you are genuinely happy.

3) Wish them well in their quest to find the ideal mate Above all, be thoughtful and come to terms with your own decision.