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3 Reasons Men Leave Women They Love

by Eharmony Editorial Team - February 4, 2009

Why would a man leave a loving, devoted relationship? Find out three possible reasons now! Brought to you by Christian Carter

You have an amazing relationship with a guy who adores you. Things are on the right track. Then out of the blue you get hit with it – wham! He tells you he’s unhappy, and suddenly he has one foot out the door.

It was only a few days ago that you and the man were close, connected and intimate. What happened to the love you shared?

The truth is…too many men make the mistake of running away from what could be perfectly good relationships with amazing women. And they do it for reasons that could have been avoided.

This doesn’t have to happen to you. Here are the 3 reasons why men leave great women, and what to do about them:

Reason #1: “Emotional Overwhelm”

A relationship with a man can bring up a lot of intense emotional issues inside. The question is – do you let all these emotions build up inside you to where they finally explode in a semi-destructive way?

And do you find that your men either don’t have the emotional skills to handle these situations with you, or they become more distant when you’re at your most intense?

If so…then you likely are with a man who doesn’t have much of an emotional “center” to keep him calm and present with you even when emotions run hot.

This is a man’s fault. A mature man needs to be a source of support and masculine stability in your relationship. Yet, at times, even a good man can become overwhelmed verbally, and go into what I call “emotional overwhelm.” This is where a man can’t handle the emotions coming at him and feels so anxious inside that he ends up withdrawing to get away. Why is this important?

If you can learn to talk about “loaded” topics without having your man become emotionally overwhelmed, your relationship will instantly change for the better. But if you keep pushing each other past a safe emotional place, don’t wonder why he acts distant.

Reason #2: He Feels Like You’re Trying To Fix Him

If you aren’t getting what you want from a relationship, it’s common to become frustrated and eventually stop communicating in a clear and loving way. This is where things like demands, pleading, and even begging for what “should be” creep in and get in the way. I get it – when a woman doesn’t feel heard or appreciated in her relationship, changing her tone seems like the only way to get a man’s attention.

Unfortunately, this is when men mistake your intentions and feel criticized or blamed. If a man feels like you’re judging his faults or shortcomings, he’ll never open up and listen. Instead, he’ll shut down, stop “hearing” you, and pull back even more. Remember the great Jack Nicholson line from As Good As It Gets? He tells Helen Hunt, “You make me want to be a better man…”

You can create the space for your guy to WANT to be a better man on his own. But you CAN’T make him do this by DEMANDING that he change. It’s a losing battle. Lasting change comes from the inside.

Reason #3: He Fears Losing His Freedom

Have you thought about why a man commits himself to one woman, and how your guy FEELS in your relationship lately? If you’re having more negative interactions than positive ones, a man will question what you have. If it goes on for too long, eventually he’ll start thinking about a way out.

On the other hand…if your relationship is healthy, fun, emotionally intimate and positive in the way you treat each other, a man won’t think twice about continuing to devote his heart and life to you. You’ll be that rare special woman he fell in love with in the first place, and who he craves being with.

If you set a positive emotional tone in the relationship, a man will be more mindful of what he’s gaining with you, rather than any of the things other men fear losing in their freedoms.


When you focus on the idea that men might leave good women for no apparent reason, it can make relationships seem hopeless.

Don’t let this fear get inside your head. If you know how to communicate with your man in a way that demonstrates the happy, fulfilled and loving woman you are inside… and you find ways to continually praise and appreciate each other rather than criticize or tear each other down…you’ll be amazed at how he’ll show you his love and appreciation in return.

Too many relationships lose the simple appreciation which brought them together in the first place. You deserve a fulfilling, long-lasting relationship with a man who’s ready and willing to do his part in creating an incredible life together. I’ll talk with you again soon, and best of luck in life and in love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Author, Catch Him & Keep Him

P.S. – If you want to learn some of the specific tips I give away free about how to help your man open up and be a better partner with you, go check out my weekly email newsletter at


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