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Men’s Intuition: How Men Read Your Signals

by Eharmony Editorial Team - February 13, 2009

When you’re not saying what you really think, men look to these 3 cues to determine how you feel.

With all the confusion surrounding the language of love, many men would find it easier to learn Japanese. So when women give more mixed signals than a traffic junction, men try to pare the body -data down to the basics, relying on their intuition… and a little bit of shared reconnaissance. So how do they interpret what you’re trying to tell them? Here are three ways they’re reading your signals.

The Eye Line

It all starts with the eyes, so be warned: if you’ve looked across a crowded room and held his gaze for more than five seconds, he thinks you’re interested. Sure, you may have been staring because he reminded you of someone, or he had a big piece of spinach in his teeth, but you held his gaze, and that’s enough of a signal for him to consider making a move.

Conversely, if you’re trying to play it cool and deliberately NOT catch his gaze, hoping instead that playing coy will make him do the running, you could be disappointed. Most men will take it as they see it: if you’re, say, fully engaged in conversation with your friends and not giving any of yourself to the room, he’s most likely to think you’re not interested and stay away. Good news if you want him to; less so if you were hoping he’d pluck up courage and come over to talk.

Body Talk

If you’re on a date, or have simply just met someone in a social situation, the guy you’re with is going to be looking for signs of interest. If you’re interested, too, this is when it’s best to stop being too cool for school and abide by some of the conventional rules of the flirting game. It may seem obvious, but laughing at his jokes, smiling while he talks and touching his hair or arm are all signals he can read loud and clear.

Take it a little further and reach out to him physically and he’ll take that as a flashing green light. Touch his hand lightly, place your face close to his, and widen your eyes when he’s talking: these are all signs he’ll have no trouble reading. Equally, if your eyes are wandering, glazed over or just plain dead while he’s talking, that’s not going to go unnoticed, either. Most men have at some point felt the distance of a disinterested woman, and know when they’re on a losing streak. Not all give up when they do, but many – especially the good ones– will.

Conversation Matters

Men feel that women drop codes into their conversation, saying things without actually saying them. For example, if you’re talking about how wonderful an ex was, that’s simply a red flag to him that you’re not over it. If you talk about how much attention you get from men, he’s likely to read it as a signal to back off, that you’re telling him he’s out of your league. Conversely, complain about a bad ex, or tell him how hard it is to meet interesting men, and that’s a signal for him to step up. Hopefully he won’t need too much encouragement to do so.