Man texting in the background while sitting next to an upset woman

Dating Women: 5 Reasons She’s Just Not That Into You

by Eharmony Editorial Team - March 16, 2009

You had a great couple of first dates, but then nothing. What went wrong? Here are a few reasons why she may not be that into you.

You made yourself presentable with a fresh shave and crisp shirt. You opened the car door, pulled out her chair at the restaurant, and let her order first. The conversation flowed naturally and there were even a few laughs that didn’t seem awkward or forced. But she’s just not into you.
What went wrong? Whether it’s a first date or a long-term relationship, when it comes to dating women here are five reasons she’s just not that into you.

Dating Women are looking for Ambition

It sounds simple but it’s often overlooked: women are attracted to men with ambition. Perhaps it’s a survival technique, a woman wants a man who’s going to be able to take care of himself, let alone a family. Or perhaps it’s just really attractive for a potential partner to have goals, dreams and aspirations. It’s not about having money, you can be wealthy and still lack ambition, it’s about having drive and looking forward and toward the future. Start volunteering, go back to school, set goals for yourself and have something to look forward to everyday—a purpose.

You don’t Follow Through

Whether you don’t know how to make plans or you just don’t know how to stick to them, a woman hates having to make an excuse for her partner. If you’re constantly nixing dinner plans at the last minute or showing up late for date night, she’s not going to be into you. Think about it the next time you’re hours overdue with no good reason at all. Chances are, she rushed home from work, rifled through her closet to find the perfect outfit, and stressed that she wouldn’t be finished blow-drying her hair in time for your knock on the door. So when you show up two-hours late, with no preemptive phone call, she’s going to be mad. But when you do it consistently, she’s going to move on.

Dating Women: You Give her too Much or too little Attention

It’s like the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, its got to be just right. Meeting at a friend’s house party is not a date. Inviting her to dinner and then inviting your old fraternity brothers also is not a date. If you care more about your “bromance” than your romance, it will show and she’ll know. A woman wants to feel special, take her out on a real date, turn the cell phone off and make her feel like she’s the only person that matters. Conversely, if you’re the type of guy who hates it when she wants a girl’s night out, or you don’t give her any breathing room, she’s going to feel suffocated in the relationship and she’s just not going to be into you.

You’re just not this dating woman’s type

Yes, all women have a type. These aren’t necessarily physical looks but innate personality traits. That doesn’t mean she’ll only date one type of man for the rest of her life but it’s rare that at the same time a woman is attracted to the family man who likes spending nights in watching reruns, she’ll also be attracted to the single-until-he-dies night owl, who’s idea of a good meal is any 24-hour restaurant. If you’re not the type for her at the stage in her life, she’s just not that into you.

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You don’t see her as an Equal

A woman wants a relationship where she is an equal—and feels like one. The best relationships embrace each partner’s strengths, and each person complements the other. It’s clear to see: she just won’t be that into you if you’re constantly trying to one up her.

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